I wish it were possible

The late night messages I used to receive from you. The restaurants we went to together. The time we spent chatting with one another. All of these are just memories now. You always stared at me, and when I asked why were you staring at me, it caught you off and you just finished with a smile and said nothing. My heart beat faster than usual whenever you smiled because it somehow made me feel nervous not knowing what you were thinking about me when we sat in front of each other. I always wondered if you felt the same way I felt about you. When you confessed, I was on cloud nine. You were a gentleman, and you constantly showed me what all boyfriends should be doing to their girlfriends. Everything turned into a dream. You already have your lover. All I could think of was how good it could be if our relationship were possible, and how would she felt if she knew how nice you had been doing to me. You made me fall madly in love with you, but at the same time hate you. I hate that you were lying and not telling me the truth. I hate that you were being so good to me. I hate that I think about you all the time even knowing that you already have your significant other. I hate that I still miss you.

Feeling bottled up?

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I wish I would have realized that earlier

I'm not about to keep explaining myself, my feelings, my boundaries, and my actions to somebody who is intent upon misunderstanding or ignoring me when I do. I cannot communicate with somebody who is not open to exchanging. Communication is what you do and how you behave, not just your words. Did you ignore me all day to play video games? Well guess what? This communicates with exquisite clarity that you values video games more than spending time with me. Does you ogle other women? you’re communicating that you’re disloyal. Communication with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you or taking advantage of you, is absolutely useless and you’re better off preserving your energy and moving on. Communication is happening 24 hours a day, whether the you realizes it or not. Everything you say, everything you don’t say, everything you do or don’t do...ALL of it communicates something important. Even the most nuanced micro-expression on our faces are also the forms of communication. Actions speak louder than words.

What is this feeling

Can anyone tell me what is this feeling It been a long time since they broke the bond. We try to understand them and wish them all the best. However, seeing them with someone new, doing all the things that we should do together some how hurt. It like trauma, it hit right there in the heart, it got you tremble, feeling lost, all the hope we try to hold on are gone, almost down on the knee. I swear there is no hatred, there is no evil though to break them apart. It just feel like can’t stand seeing it, can’t accept it, bare to see it but Why it is someone else in that place? How could? Did we really do sth wrong? Were we never good enough for them? How could they just switch to do all the things with someone else while our heart still beat for them? Why do they treat us this way while our intention is only love and to be with them?

Years later

Him: Would you still be with me if I came back to you that time? Her: Yes, I would. Him: Even after I left you several times? Her: yes, always. Him: why? Her: because I love you. Him: Now? Her: I have to love myself. Him: Maybe we would have been together if I were braver. Her: Maybe.

Missing someone you never had

Is there really a way to stop missing someone? Cos if you already kept your pride aside and tried to initiate but their responses kept on disappointing you, there isn't anything much you can do. What if years from now you still long to see them? What if every little things you see keep reminding you of them? What if you still look for closure knowing damn well they don't care about you? But then again, do all these questions even make any sense if it's a scenario between people who didn't even date, if it's just a one-sided thing?

To the person I loved the most.

Hi! Yeah it's weird when I have to express this feeling, but it's kinda worse if I don't speak it out and keep it in my head a little longer. I know it's only 3 or 4 months that we've known each other, and it even started from a complete stranger who have connection only on social media. However, the feeling I had for you were real. I really wish that it could work out for us, or maybe we could do better than this, or at least we have a better ending. I regret for the action I did without the consideration of your feeling, I really do. Until these day I still feel sorry for doing those dumb things. I chatted to you because I miss you, I care for you, I don't want bad stuff to happen to the person I care so much about; but it broke me to pieces when you told me that you're dating someone now. I'm happy to see you smile, really. I'm happy for you that you're with a better person who will provide what you want and what you need. But at the same time, I was sitting in the corner of room thinking about you all day. I couldn't focus on my working and studying. Everything were bad for me, it left the scar on my heart. Yet, I still have the urge to look at our old conversation. Just to find out and tell myself that I have lost the person I love the most to a stupid mistake, and there's no way I can reverse or go back in time to erase what I had done but to accept the truth that you're gone. One last thing, it's close to your birthday and I still have the gift that I bought for you months ago. I hope I can give it to you, but I don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable seeing me. On top of that, I don't wanna be a conflict between you and your partner. Goodluck with your new journey, and yeah last long.

Regret

I lost my virgin at the age 21 years old. Do u think it is so fast? And How do all of u guys think of me? ភ្លើតភ្លើន? សប្បាយភ្លេចខ្លួន? ខុសប្រពៃណី?I lost it to my bf and he never think about future with me. Emmmm! Now I feel like I dont want anyone anymore beside building myself to be strong and I am sorry for my family that I am not a good daughter! Really sorry.

To the guy I love most, Sophea.

MY FLAWS. I thought we were supposed to talk about our problems and solve them together. You told me how you don't like me doing shitposting, being shady about you. I stopped. I didn't know it would bother you that much. All those shitposting and shady posts aren't about you, I swear. I know those are not reasons and I was right. It was my attitude. I thought you would talk it out but you didn't, you chose to leave me while I'm still in love with you. I didn't know I have such an attitude to make you lose feelings for me, if so I'm sorry. I was not pressuring you, I never ever or even think about making you love me the way I want. Maybe my actions or how I talk seem like that but I'm not that type of person. I told you I'm an attention seeker. Of course I always try to seek attention from the guy that I love, the guy that I prioritized first, the guy that I would do anything for and it's you but I know what is right and what is wrong. Who knows you got the wrong idea about me. I'm not trying to act like a victim here and I was never one. I'm just trying to tell you about what I wanted to say and how I felt.

Why?

Befor we us are best friends, but everything has changed. When I rejected your love.I want everything as before, why not? Why run away from me? Why not talk to me.Why pretend not to know me? Why change school? Why? Why can not we be as good friends as before? 4 years of friendship is not less, why did you choose this way? I want to say thanks very much for everything,I hope you know. I’m Sorry Boy👦