If I want you to "reply my chat" as your first priority, is that hard for you?

When it comes to reply your chat, it always stay as my first priority. Whenever I see my phone, what I think is that I always want to reply your chat. But when it comes to you, everything is opposite. When you hold your phone, the first thing that you think is not about replying my chat. Is that hard just to type a word and send it to me? Is that hard just to put me in the first priority?

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Is it love?

Is it still love when you have to keep asking for time and attention and still won't get it? Is it still love when your partner forgot exactly everything he told you he would do and everything about you? From every little details to every big events. Forgot even to meet you, forgot all the things he said he will do. He said he will... So I waited and waited... Even after I brought it up he didn't care to do it... Is it still love...? I'm not sure anymore... Too many sleepless night I've spent alone to think and worry if the love has already faded for you... I felt so lonely here... Too lonely...

2025-08-14

Wildest dreams

I just started to talk with others so I could forget you but the more I do the more you cross my mind, I hate it that I always compare them to you. And I would still choose you. :) I couldn’t believe that you chose to trust others’ words instead of mine who’s supposed to be your partner who’s supposed to spend the rest of our life together. You know I actually cut others off just for you, there are some friends who told me bad things about you and I don’t even hangout with them anymore because I know you, they don’t. I was alone for quite awhile but then I make new friends at school. But you betrayed me, you listened to others and decided to end things with me. I was so disappointed but there’s nothing I can do because it showed me the amount of trust that you actually had in me. I don’t know if you hate me now or that you never actually love me in the first place because now you already blocked me. Plus the last day (BD) that we saw each other (as couple), you didn’t even want to talk to me or even sit near me. I feel like I’m such a fool for loving you, I saw many red flags from the start , since the time you don’t even tell me your socials to the time you talked about posting each other and many more but still I decided to act blind. I told you I was never in a relationship before so I was so clueless not sure what to do, how to act. And the first serious relationship? Now you just make my anxiety and trust issues worsened. You should have look at your cousins as example in how they treat their girls you know. See the difference from how you treated me? “If they wanted to, they would.” Also, whenever I told you what I don’t like about your behavior, you always got so offended and started to send me texts after texts when all I wanted to do was to communicate how I felt. That’s why I just started to become silent cus I hated arguing with you (bad choice right because we stopped talking to each other since then). Anyways, I really hope you treat your next partner right. Take care. My former ❤️‍🔥
2025-08-14

unfair?

Not a broken heart story, but I grew up in the most Asian household. I am one of the grandsons of my mother's side of the family. I am in my 20s, I go to one of the famous Uni in the country, but that's not where I belong I was forced to study there. OKAY here's where I started to feel UNFAIR. In my family, I am the chef, The Technician, The plumber, The electrician, The Accountant, I do almost everything. And it was underappreciated. Because not only I didn't get any appreciation, I even got scold and blame for not doing what they want. The most F up thing is I have to accompany my friend until late at night and I also have to wake up at 6 every morning even on weekend. What's worst is that I have to cancel all the plans on my birthday just to stay at home to do nothing because they said so. I was so depressed I tried to kill myself several time, and now I don't even feel pain because I lived with it. Bonus: I got nothing on my birthday, even a cake XD

2025-08-14

I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.
2025-08-14

Without proper reason

Wanting to tell you how I feel but not knowing how to start kills me inside. Whenever I see you, I want to look at you in the eyes and do nothing else. Just want to stare at those beautiful eyes like I once did when we went out together. I want to tell you reasons why I no longer pick up your phone. Reply your message. Talk to you in person. And a lot more. I’d like to apologize for hurting you. For giving you a hard time to take a step back from me. But I couldn’t say anything because it’ll only complicate the situation and makes it even more difficult for us when we cross paths. But now that I see you laugh and have fun with others again, it’s all I want. I hope you don’t hate me for ignoring you without giving proper reasons. I don’t know how to tell you and I will never be able to tell you. Just keep one thing in mind, you will forever have a place in my heart even though we can never be together.

2025-08-14

Unforgettable

Well, we started off at a good term but i’ll just say we’re not mature enough to make this last longer. For all these months, i was genuinely happy as you can see I appreciated every moment with u because all the time we spent tgt I was happy. Remember one rainy night, that was our first time riding motorcycle under the rain i hugged you tight from behind “ it was one of the best feelin ever. I wish i can have this moment with you once last time but i guess my wish will never come true. Anyway thank you for the hoodie you gave with your scent on it promise i’ll keep it here forever ( it was my first time wore boyfriend hoodie as well ) I wish I could just learn how to unloved and deleted u out of my head the simplest manner. U’re my favorite person, but maybe favorite don't really mean to be last forever? I wish I could talk to you again the same way we did before, because I freakin damn miss you. Every single thing about you right now already causing me pain that I keep seeing you in my dreams, ur words, ur face and i still can feel ur touches. How could I move on? I wish I was once crossed ur mind and you miss me just as much as i did too. Im sorry it was my mistake and i just wanna let you know that Im happy that at least we made it here. Thank you for all the wonderful memories lover❤️ I love you so much.

2025-08-14

My life was a mess ~

My life has been the whole mess until I met you. I’m so happy that I’m having you to stop me from giving up on my life. I was happy to continue my goal and pursue my higher degree. Then you suddenly left me hanging there while you already knew you’re the only person I go to whenever I have problems. You start talking to someone else while I can’t move on from you. I start to be unproductive at work. I lost my motivation to study. I no longer have any appetite. I mess up my sleeping schedule again. I start taking more and more medicine. I can’t do anything right. I can’t get my mind right on the track. I can no longer focus while riding or driving. I’m completely losing myself cuz I’ve been giving all myself to you and my feeling is depending on you. My life become miserable again. Whenever everyone ask what happened, I can’t answer, I can’t tell them what happened to me. Just mentioning I’m stressing out abt my work, while in fact I still want you back even though I know you don’t want to and already having someone new.

2025-08-14

My Bullshit

I'm sorry that you have to deal with my bullshit. I didn't realize I have a lot of bullshit. I'm not that type of person, I swear. You raised your voice saying “ I'm dealing with your bullshit everyday, dealing with your bullshit is tiring. I thought you were not that type of person.”. I'm sorry, I was just telling you how my day was like how you always tell me about yours. I didn't mean to rant on you or maybe I sounded like one and if so, I thought you would listen to me and comfort me like other couples do but it's okay as long as you still love me, I don't mind. I was blinded by the illusion of you that I created in my mind.