I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Brief Encounter

To "you", I still remember our first encounter very well. It was a few years ago, it was when I was about to go home but I saw you were struggling with getting your bike out. We were total stranger to one another (even for now). So, I decided to help you. It was a little bit windy day, and as I was helping you, because of a light blow of the wind, flipped up your skirt a little bit. I thought maybe it was uncomfortable for you because of the wind, so I offered my jacket for you to cover yourself, but lucky, you got a motorbike tower of your own. (Sorry for too detail) After I got bike out, we exchange a normal pleasantry, "Thank you very much","you're welcome" and we part way. I only happened to know that you and I were in the class after the incident day. However, back then, I was in my rough patch, and it was so rough that I decided to drop the course. However, Within those few years, you always cross my mind, and I kind of have a fondness for you as well, even though we never got a chance to know each other. I really do wish and hope that we will have our paths cross once again, then we can get to know each other, and somehow, I hope we can work it out, and we end up being together. I really think that you are a very sweet and nice person, I really really like to know you. As if you were book that I would spend the rest of my time to read. (Even I'm not quite a reader) Hope you see this, and hope you remember me as I remember you. From a stranger.

2025-08-14

The friendship I valued the most..

To the friend I used to valued... Months ago, I had a female fiend who I talked to daily, I kept listen to her rant day to day, support her during her bad time. It is not that I had feeling for her or something. I just valued our friendship. Being friend is meant to valued each other, aint it? Then one day, she told me that she got into a relationship. I congratulated her and keep texting her as we used to. Then she barely reply to my text. It is not that I got jealous or something. But the friend who you trusted, you supported most, valued the most, turned their back after got into relationship as if you meant nothing to them. Was I been used? Was I have done something wrong? Is it mean they don't want you anymore? Or is it mean you are out of their used? I don't know. After that, I decided to silently walk out of her life. Knowing that my effort has no meaning to them.(what's suck most, is she never asked or notice my absence) I still hope you have a great life, live happily. From the person who out of your used.

2025-08-14

please

it hurts im still fighting for every chance left even though i know you’d end up still pushing me away. every time i’d try and hold conversations, knowing both of us still love each other, it always ended with you saying “how are u going to move on? i want u to move on, find someone better.” Can’t you see that all I’ve ever wanted was you? I don’t want to find anyone better than you but you’re making it so damn hard, love.

2025-08-14

BACII

A few days more till bacII and I’m here to wish you all the best bcs we don’t talk anymore… Don’t over-stressed and don’t overthinking! Goodluck for the upcoming exam!!! I believe that u can do it. No matter what grade you get, I will always be proud of you. If you need helps, pls rmb that I’ll always be right by your side so don’t hesitate to text me. My inbox is 24/7 opened for you. <3

2025-08-14

To KLK ~ From SCBM

We been together almost 2 years. Everything went well until you adjusted yourself to someone else that I don’t know. I hate me for being annoying to get your attention, to get your caring and love. I hate me that I always want to meet you. I hate me that I can’t let you go even tho you ask to leave more than 10 times and I still asking you to stay.

2025-08-14

Why Yes?

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2025-08-14

Is it hard to find someone?

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2025-08-14

Main Character

To my most favorite person, I don’t know where you are at right now. I promptly admit that I miss you so much especially your dry sense of humor, you being Dokey-talkative to me. Our big and small fights, LOL. I wish you were here with me. To tell me everything is fine, everything will be better. I badly need your love and comfort because I’ve been so tired of what I’ve been going through lately. I know I have no rights to tell you to stay, but seeing you disappear this time hurt me deeply. I thought I would be okay this time since we already said our goodbye and also had a proper closure even though we ended up in bad term again. In this situation, you probably hate me that much, think of me as a ‘never wrong and always right person’.it’s fine for me. I know I’m at worst. I want to do the same thing as well. Sadly, I can’t make myself hating someone who I’m so in love with. That’s not me! Despite your lies, you being closed-book to me, I’m still enchanted to meet you. I don’t feel any regret falling for you, I really mean it. You are the main character in my story. Your name has in every chapter of my book since May 2020 til now. Imma always feel appreciated and grateful because I found someone who showed me the real definition of ‘Action speaks louder than Word’. You are Jjang! You know what? I can pretend to be happy and laugh at others joke. I can go on other dates and meet new people as you wished me to, but at the end of the day, they aren’t you. We will always be unfinished business and it will always be you although I used to tell you not to cross the path again. Yet, deep inside of me keep hoping that at least we have one beautiful story which I never give up praying for. One small moment together as you knew that I expect less when it comes to you, right? ...