Wanting to tell you how I feel but not knowing how to start kills me inside. Whenever I see you, I want to look at you in the eyes and do nothing else. Just want to stare at those beautiful eyes like I once did when we went out together. I want to tell you reasons why I no longer pick up your phone. Reply your message. Talk to you in person. And a lot more. I’d like to apologize for hurting you. For giving you a hard time to take a step back from me. But I couldn’t say anything because it’ll only complicate the situation and makes it even more difficult for us when we cross paths. But now that I see you laugh and have fun with others again, it’s all I want. I hope you don’t hate me for ignoring you without giving proper reasons. I don’t know how to tell you and I will never be able to tell you. Just keep one thing in mind, you will forever have a place in my heart even though we can never be together.
No one talks about how hard it is to get your life back on track after a depressive episode, I planned on ending my own life which is why I slowly stop putting effort in my study, relationships and work…now that I’ve seek help and gotten better, I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.
Dope I am a kind of person that would build the walls instead of the bridge because I used to experience some trauma events in the past. [newLine*] [newLine*] They used to call me “ sensitive, dramatic, self victimized, stupid, etc.” And here I am, being a cold hearted person ever in my life. I don’t like the version of today’s me yet, I am still glad that it kinda makes me stronger and be more careful around my surroundings. Running away from my own feelings is one of my coping mechanisms since it is the best way to do so when it comes to expressing emotions. I wanted to open up and have the healthiest relationship with others but the dark inner part of me is still keep telling me that they will judge me in every possible way that they could also the people that I expect then to be will be leave me eventually anyway so instead of being my real self, I just show them what they wanted to see from me.[newLine*] [newLine*] Losing the ones that I love is also a tragic cause for my mental health too. My mom passed away since I was 6 years old and I hadn’t had the mother-daughter moments yet and it really broke my heart ‘til nowadays. So instead of crying, I usually hide my true emotions and keep moving forward when I was still not healed from what broke me in the past. I used to held grudges, always get jealous when they got what I wanted, they have the best relationship with their families, they have a strong self confidence and many more. Very toxic person I could possibly find. [newLine*] [newLine*] But here I am, after all what I have been through both mentally and physically. A cold hearted b*tch also I am still keep finding out who I really am and what is my purpose of life. I still feel guilty when I hurt the ones that love me so, but nothing is permanent anyway so I’ll live the best of my life instead of pleasing other people. [newLine*] [newLine*]From, thyka. ♡︎
Again, I’m not the one who likes to express my feelings towards anyone especially in an anonymous platform like this. But yeah sometimes it feels release when I speak it out and it would make me feel a bit better. Let get into the point of my mess up love story. I would say that it’s okay to fell in love with someone who never say yessssss to you yet still stay in between to block your heart. Have you ever asked yourself why you choose to stay in that uncertain relationship? Even you know the consequence that they just want you for a short period when they’re bored. Sometimes I lie to myself that one day she would appreciate what I have done to her and we can be together as a couple. And sometimes I feel that I should not go deep and beg her for attention everyday cuz we’re just friend. It’s a bit unfair for me that every crushes that I have met are always do almost the same way to hurt me. Is it because I’m so soft? easy-going? But I don’t mind at all. I only have one reason that once I love someone I always try my best to show how much I love I care and I wish that they would love me back the same way. But nope, it just doesn’t work for my love life. To the girl who I’m currently fell in love with, I don’t mind that you are lost interest with me and start to put red flag 🚩 between us. But please bear in mind that even though, I still have feeling for you and I hope that you would appreciate my efforts these past months that we’ve been contact with each other. You’re the sweetest crush for me🙂
I’ve been isolating myself from everyone for awhile now. I avoid meeting ppl, I don’t pick up calls or reply any chat from anyone, I put my phone on airplane mode everyday. To those who knows me, will know how normal it is for me to disappear every now and then. But this time I took a long break, I don’t know if ppl around me will be patient enough to deal with this break. I have this one habit of disappearing when things get tough and refuse to ask for help from anyone or showing my vulnerability to ppl. Things get tough lately to the point that everything become overwhelming to me, I can’t complete any task, I can’t even take care of myself. I used to be an achiever, a person who dream big and thrive for everything in life, want to do this and that, but things often take the wrong turn, then I failed from time to time, which leads me to choose on a plan B (which I’m not very fond of). Time goes by, I feel like I’m shifting further away from my dream, I’m forcing myself to do the thing that I don’t want to do, I feel like everything I do is just for the sake of existing, I don’t feel like I have a life anymore. Sometimes I just wish I have the power to erase myself from ppl memories, I just want them to forget about me so that I can end my life peacefully. I don’t want to carry remembrance, remorse, or sorrow to my after life. But that’s physically impossible. Sometimes I wonder what if I move away as far as possible, disconnecting from ppl until one day they forget who I was and start working on myself again until I’m in a good state and come back like nothing happened, will they still accept me? Will that make everything better? I feel bad yet grateful for those who often trying to help or checking up on me once in a while when they notice I’m not okay, I just want to say sorry for ignoring u but thanks for ur patience. It might look like I’m disregard ur empathy, but I just wanted u to know that I appreciate that a lot, even though I don’t say it and I value ur time, effort and everything. Just for the quick update for those who asking me ‘How’s thing? How’s life?’, not so good, but I’m thriving and doing my best to get by. Just for now, I need a break, a long big break from everything. I can’t continue at a stage like this. I’ve been building bad performance at school, at work and every task that I attempted to do. Therefore, I quit school, quit work, avoid any social social interaction at all cost. There’s just me and me atm. No I don’t have plan or know what to do next anymore. I’m just working on my inner me. Hoping I’ll be okay again very soon. So pls be patient with me, don’t give up on me just yet, I’ll be back…
I saw a lot of confession is all about people ghosting tho... And you guys are shy to ask them. Well, to me, I had been in that situation (I am the ghost). The problem was that, I didn't know what happen around me back then. I felt the urge to be isolated from other people and just to stay alone. I bottled up my emotions all alone. Well my advice is to ask that person if there's sth you could help. :)
It might sound stupid, but there is something i been dealing with for awhile now. Its been 2 years since i last in relationship with someone. As a man, of course i want to get into a new relationship. but, i find it hard for me to date another woman even after 2 years of my last relationship. It's not like i miss my ex but, i just don't know how to love anyone anymore. How do i descript this ? - felt like u run out of love to give to anyone and all i have left is "Sorry , I don't mind being a friend with you !" #🔥🐼
Number 11 becomes my fav cos it’s the time I keep checking if you’re still awake like I am, if you are thinking of me like I am; it shows that I still care for you even before or after that 11 number, or maybe it’s just an excuse that I make to lie to myself that only when the short and long hand of the clock point to 11 is the time I think about you, when actually I’m thinking about you every hour which I can barely say the word hour cos every second seems so long let alone an hour, when actually I’m waiting for the time to arrive at 11 again so that I can lie to myself again that I only think of you at this 11:11. #lovefailed
I’m wondering when you blocked someone, is it because you hate them or you want to move on easier? Answer please. Thank you.