Asking

suicide is a solution?

i feel so desperate. everything around me makes me felt unloving and insecure. im begging for love rn. my family isn’t all sunshine and rainbows it’s feel like im living in hell. everyone around me shame me accused me for what i haven’t done. my dad said that he would just kill me then walk into jail cuz he’s disappointed for having a child like me. once my mother said just go die she’ll just be sad for a couple of weeks then she’ll be fine. its hard to take in and ik ppl may have gone through the same but its really hurtful. i also thought maybe i just live for one person and thats my gf but everyday i felt like i was begging her to love me i try try so much. i loved one person enough for them not to love me back. i failed as a son, as a boyfriend, as a person in overall. when will they realize or will they ever see my worth? should i commit suicide? help me im so trapped there’s more im just giving a glimpse of my suffering:>

Being ghosted

I used to be mad. I used to look back and wonder where I went wrong, and took all the blame. I wondered why would you ghost me like I never mattered. One day our friendship was flourishing–filled with laughter and late-night text messages and venting–the next, it was gone. I used to wished that our long/ funny conversation will come back. It hurts to know that we used to be so close, and now it’s like I don’t know you at all. I feel as though you don’t want me anymore. What do we all talk about, do we talk about past things to catch up on, or do we just act like no time has passed?. We’re not as close as we were before. There are days when I am so happy and that the person I want to talk to you is you. I want to tell you every detail, the entire story, and I want you to listen. There are other days where that high isn’t there when I feel low, and I just want you there to listen or to talk about anything else. Those days are when I miss you the most.There are some secrets that I could never tell another person, but I can easily tell you. Some days I wonder if we will ever be that kind of friends again. Sure, I look back and still smile on the times that we have had, the moments we had shared, the jokes, the laughter that filled our friendship. I have no idea how you feel about our friendship right now. But I am here, in case you make that step back. I am also here, wishing nothing but the best for you: laughter, that all your dreams come true, and all the happiness in the world. I’d like to let you know that our friendship meant everything to me. Thank you for the good memories that you leave behind. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy with yourself. I hope you have found peace with your problems–the people who had hurt you in the past. I hope you finally find something you love and let it consume you. I hope you find a guy who truly treats you the way you deserve.

Empty Bin

I think I’ve built a very convenient Persona for myself to get by this world. Everywhere I go, Every group of people, or everyone that I met, I know what they see me but not in me, they find I’m a very polite, friendly, good manner person. I know this, because that is all my persona shows them. But their instincts would tell them to be care to approach me with their good intentions, maybe it’s a friendship or love. Their instincts would tell them, I’m not just they see, there are something more beneath that. And it’s right, I’m hiding myself under this forged amour because I can’t be who I actually want to be. How I was treat from a very young age had traumatized me to be myself. I’ve lived my life forged with lies that I tell myself, that now it makes me terrified to unfold the truth. Now at the end of everyday, I feel so empty, like an empty void that can’t never be filled. I named this “empty bin”, because that’s just how I am, loud but empty. I’m tired of this life. Even though I know life is pain and suffering, but how I still couldn’t get used to if? And it’s even more tragic if you live a life with full of self-deception. lately, all I could think of is, how to die and leave no pain to everyone around me. “How should this empty bin should leave?…”

Pain

Since you left I never had a good day. I changed. The pain change me. I let the pain control me. I keep compare myself to others. I can't make myself happy. I lose interest in everything. I tried to find someone to replace you. But I just can't get over you. My heart still want you. But ik I have no more chance. I couldn't even have a second chance. I'm trying to love myself. But why is it so hard? I never been like that before. I want myself back. I regret that we used to date each other. But I never regret the time that we used to spend together. I missed you. But I don't want to miss. I want to forget you. I just wish I could end up my pain. It's really annoying. I'm still love you as always.

What happened between us?

Have you ever waited for days just to tell your favorite person about your major life decisions or even some updates that you thought would excite either of you? But every time you tries to have that conversation, they just killed the vibes by acting like you’re annoying and instantly ignored you for hours. I was wrong that I thought we were close, so close that we can share everything. I don’t know what went wrong between us but I hope you’re happy, doing fine. I realized soulmates couldn't just be lovers but actually someone you called best friend. From someone who used to tell you everything because I trust you.

2025-08-14

Psychopath or Loyal, I don't know..

This is my true story which I haven't told anyone beside one person... Let start from 2011, when I was 13 years old. I met a girl in my Chinese class, she was 2 years younger than me, she was a energetic, outgoing and have cheerful spirit. Our first met start by arguing with each other about her friend's table space (we were just kids XD). Then I start falling for her. However, I was overage mature, I started thinking that we both are too young, and we wont go far even if we start. Then I start suppressing my own feeling and start to feel dead inside and I became cold and speak less and less. 3 years later, we graduated from the Chinese school (Grade 9th). During the year, I also feel that she is also into me but I still think that we both were too young (at that time, I even imagined we both falling for each other and start a family, silly me XD) and slowly, I was pushing her away while I were hurting my own feeling. I planned to confess 2 years later if we both make it to the final graduated, but she dropped out and I were still hopelessly falling for her. I didn't let thing stop there, I started stalking on the social media but never have the courage to talk to her and slowly we became stranger. During the years, she started to falling into relationships and broke up over and over again, I saw her got her heart broken and it broke mine as well. How can you bear to see the person you fell in love with getting hurt again and again. Through that experience, she started to change, she started using bad words, drinking, going to club.etc. and she became a completely different person I once knew. I don't blame her for that, anyone would fall to that after got in to multiple toxic relationships. During that time, I used to told this story to my female friend and she promised me to keep it as secret and she did. That female friend also have a feeling for me but got rejected. How can you love other person when you got one deep down in the bottom of your heart. I know it hurts you alot, but please forgive me. I apologized from the bottom of my heart. I wish you met someone who would love you as much as a human heart can do. I dont want to intrude you with my story. Sorry again. Back to the story, at the time I'm writing all this, she is in her latest relationship and I wish her all the best, I hope this relationship will lead to marriage. I wish you would live a happy life. You don't deserve pain. I apologized for not being there when you suffered from all the pain you encountered. You have changed from the person I once knew to a completely different person. but my love for you won't change. Because of all that I can't fall in love easily, I start to fear the terms love. I shall put an end to this pathetic story, may be I should free myself from you and start to fall in love again (it wont the same as last time) but I will give my all in my next relationship, I wont let the person I love suffer the way we did. From the person who crushed you for 11 years... Have a good life.

Happy father's day

My mom was talking about getting a divorce, and my dad was totally bummed out about it. For like a week I was bouncing back and forth between my mom's place and my house, where my dad was. I tried to cheer him up, but he kept asking about my mom and telling me to talk to her, do something to change her mind. But, to be real, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that she had already made up her mind. So the night before Father's Day I was heading out to crash with some friends, but before I left I told him I'd be back early to make him breakfast. He was like, "Nah, that's cool." Didn't think much of it. That night I hit up a club and drink tonnes of cocktails. After an hour of feeling nothing, I started to feel dizzy and sweaty. My heart was pounding and I was losing it. I asked my friends to take me to the hospital, that something was seriously wrong. They were all, like, "Nah, you're good." Finally, this dude I just met that day, who was friends with one of my homies, drove me to his crib. I was totally freaking out the whole way home, trying to catch my breath and not die. When we got there, my body started to calm down, but I was still super weak and wiped out. I remember lying on his bed. His dog came over and curled up with me, resting his head on my leg and looking all sad. Then, like around 6am, all my friends showed up, apologizing for not taking better care of me. I asked them to take me home, but on the way there I started crying for no reason, just feeling like I needed to go to the hospital. When we got to my house, there was a note taped to the door that said, "Don't go in and call the cops. I'm sorry for being a coward." My heart already felt weak, but when I read that note it just fell apart. I was in shock, but I managed to call the police and tell them my dad had killed himself. I sat on the porch and cried my eyes out. There was a lot of crying that whole day. When my mom showed up, she was wailing and crying out, "Oh my god, oh my god." They took me to the neighbor's house and put me in the guest room. The rest of the day I was all by myself, trying to make it through. There were times when I felt like I was going to pass out. I was too weak to cry. After a while, I realized it was Father's Day.

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