Goodbye Mr. Panda 🐼

I have crushed on him for months and one day I decided to confess. As a result, he didn't reject me and said "Let see how it's going on." It was the sentence that gave me hope to work harder to take his intention. But next next day, he told me that he didn't want to think about something yet and I said okay even my inside hurt me a lot. I cried for whole night and felt like the whole world was collapsing. After this hard situation has gone, I kept talking to him as normal and acted like nothing happen. After then, I have invited him for a gathering but he rejected since he had his personal matter. I also understood about that situation. However, since that day, I didn't text him anymore plus he also didn't text me so I decided badly to MOVE ON. It is so hard for me to suddenly give up on him but I know clearly that no matter how hard I try, I still can't be good enough for him because I am not his type and his intention is not for me. Anyway, sorry for not saying Goodbye and telling you that I have give up on you because I afraid that when I text you, I will fall for u again. I hope you meet someone who you love and she will love you the way you love her. Time will cure everything. 🥺🥺🥺

Feeling bottled up?

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Sleep forever

I know it not really good to hearing those words. For me , yeah I am really tired of benign a live. I wish that I will sleep forever and never wake up. Only sleep that can help me stay aways from my nightmares, stress , tóxic , depress , sad , cry and more that I usually felt every night. At age 22 , the more I grow the more I scare . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up. I am really tired of everything, study , family, love , friendship, future and everything around me . I really tired . I know it too hard but why I don’t be strong and don’t give up ? I try tooo . I really try to ne strong and don’t give up . But I still can’t survive at all . People thought that I am unless. I am usefulness . I couldn’t do anything better like other. I am really tired of hiding my broken pieces. And I tired of getting hurt again and again . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up.

I’m dying inside

Generally, I’m a happy person. I laugh a lot, I smile a lot. My friends called me “យាយប្រិមប្រិយ”. It's hard to see me without a smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I don't have any problems in my life, since I always laugh and smiling in every pictures that we captured. Deep down I’m slowly dying day by day. I literally cannot find any form of joy in my life. I feel like I can't show my real feelings; I feel like I have to keep smiling and i feels really guilty if I tell them about that because it’ll ruin their day. I’m jealous to those who brave enough to talk about it especially admit that they’ve suicidal thoughts. Smiling and laughing has become a reflex for me and it’s easier for me rather than tell them what’s going on. I no longer “ME” for a long time ago but nobody noticed it. I feel like someone is clawing away at me on the inside. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do.

Who am I to you?

Been a long time since we spoke.y But one day, you texted me then you acted like you don't wanna talk to me. I just don't get it, why and what do you want? Have you ever wanted to talk to me? I trynna tell myself not to be upset but I still did. At the end of the day, you still did like you used to.

If we’re really meant to be, we’ll meet again:)

Maybe this lifetime isn’t for us. I just hope you will be happy with your marriage. After all these years, I am the only one who fooled myself into this hopeless love. You did it. You made me feel like a fool. I had caught myself smiling while texting you, waiting for you and now? Now you’re with someone else and even getting married? How am I supposed to feel. That moment when you told me about the date of your marriage, what was I supposed to tell you? Congratulations? I don’t even know how to feel now. It felt so real for me, but I guess we just end up as best friend even after everything we’ve had together. You even told me that I will and always be the one? No one will ever replace me? I have no right to do anything except congrats you, seeing you be happy with someone else. Thank you for everything. Thanks for making me feel so special even if you don’t mean it. Because I will never not think about you.

No title like your heart no longer has me

Again, I’m not the one who likes to express my feelings towards anyone especially in an anonymous platform like this. But yeah sometimes it feels release when I speak it out and it would make me feel a bit better. Let get into the point of my mess up love story. I would say that it’s okay to fell in love with someone who never say yessssss to you yet still stay in between to block your heart. Have you ever asked yourself why you choose to stay in that uncertain relationship? Even you know the consequence that they just want you for a short period when they’re bored. Sometimes I lie to myself that one day she would appreciate what I have done to her and we can be together as a couple. And sometimes I feel that I should not go deep and beg her for attention everyday cuz we’re just friend. It’s a bit unfair for me that every crushes that I have met are always do almost the same way to hurt me. Is it because I’m so soft? easy-going? But I don’t mind at all. I only have one reason that once I love someone I always try my best to show how much I love I care and I wish that they would love me back the same way. But nope, it just doesn’t work for my love life. To the girl who I’m currently fell in love with, I don’t mind that you are lost interest with me and start to put red flag 🚩 between us. But please bear in mind that even though, I still have feeling for you and I hope that you would appreciate my efforts these past months that we’ve been contact with each other. You’re the sweetest crush for me🙂

How many time?

How many time do i have to say sorry? I don’t know why I’m the one who said sorry every time my ex texted me. What did i do wrong? Did i cheat like he did? No. But why do I have to keep saying sorry? Is it because i break up with him while he’s cheating behind my back? Do I have to say sorry every fucking time he send me a text that’s he misses me? Please stop haunting me. Im scared, fr. I’m wrong for breaking one’s heart, but who’s responsible for my heartbreak? No one. Please stop i’m begging. I always want my ex to be my friend, no matter how we end it. I still love them as a friend but this guy haunt me like a ghost that I don’t want to mention that I’ve ever been with him. The aftermath is a mess💀

Influence

Do you think, being with someone who is depressed, will turn you into someone like them too? You’re being tortured emotionally by them to the point you just want to suicide with them, but still, you have to be that someone comforting them and tolerating with everything. You changed from someone who is so optimistic to pessimistic, and damn the world is never pink again.

To the toxic and low value ex boyfriend

You are the one who said breakup, and also you are the one who cut of the communication and relationship. But then after half fucking year , you came back like talking to me like nothing happen and saying let’s មើលចិត្តគ្នាសិន before we turn into relationship again, what the fuck are you thing about? Especially while talking to me, you are chatting and flirting with another person? What the fuck are you? Why are you still living in the earth? You doesn’t deserve even little good things in life. I wonder why am I ជាប់កាំពារ this much with you. You are really the world most fucking cheap person, you deserve the every worst things happen in your life. CHEAP PERSON EVER