What am I to you?

I've been trying so hard these few months to win your heart but I feel so tired now. Someday you make me feel like you wanted me and another day u act like I'm nothing to you. Yeah I've changed a lot for you. From a girl who easily get mad to be a calm one because you never give a fu*ck about my feelings. You never care if I'm okay or not. What u said to me always so mean and I used to cry every night about that but still choose to forgive and text to you first in the next morning. You said you don't want to lose me but why I see no efforts at all to me ?. I don't mind to be just friend to you as long as you care about me but you seem not. I will not be able to move on now but I just wanted to remind you that maybe one day I can finally walk away because the patient is always under limited. I tried my best to keep you since the first day until now but if you still act like this sorry maybe I have to lose you to find me. Dear my little star! From me @your bestie 😊

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

If I offended, I sincerely apologise.

Things have been tough recently, or all these times if I had to say. About 6 six years ago, I'd never imagined us all to be able to share so plenty of memories like we did several years back, and even after everything that has happened, I'd never take them back. It was a pleasure and honor to be able to live within memories we created. Things were great, we were such a family and I knew back then that there was nothing that was gonna break us all. We did almost everything that all young dumb kids did ... my best memories are always the one we did in the class, during our trips to wherever we've been, the party we held as broke teenagers .... we drank till some of us passed out with the feeling of youngsters like us got to taste the alcohol. I can remember the jungle juice we together made. It might sound strange for some other particular groups that we usually bash and tease each other almost everytime we can and it was so fun and unforgettable. That's how our friendship and bond grew tighter. As days went by, after we parted ways due to graduation, many of us separated and distanced. I still missed them a lot back then and I still do now even though they don't I guess. I never knew things were growing in bad sense during our time and I really don't. I don't act innocent now that I might have hurt you with our teasing games. Only years after that I realized how dreadful I am for you all and that you never spoke a word with me, you rather gather a group of you(s) to talk about how you all hated me now and then. We all played that way, you teased me and I teased you, everybody teased everybody. I thought that way was the thing for our group, but I thought alone. Many of you come together to resent me and disown me like a street dog. However, I just want to tell you all that you are all still my friends and I never regretted building this friendship from the ground for all these years even though we are no longer are friends, no longer talk. I just hope you have a good life and good people around you, especially away from people like me that you resent so much. I've always thought I was a pretty good friend and the one who cherished everything in friendship, and sorry that my actions offended you in any way. I apologise, sincerely. Most of all, I just want to say thank you for all those memories that always remind me of my great highschool time and will always live in my memory and heart. I miss you all. P.S Sorry and thank you!

2025-08-14

As if what I've ever done never enough for anyone

It's 12 a.m., I'm staring at the lamp right above my bed, trying to think of a reason why i never receive back the same effort i put on anyone. I've been in a relationship many times, and never in one of these have i ever feel like I'm receiving love from my significant other. I'm either abandoned, ghosted, or being taking for granted. There are lots of things in my chest that i just want to scream it all out right now, but i couldn't. I really wish my current relationship would last, but it seems like I'm being ignore more and more from one day to another. I'm really tired, I just don't understand why you treated me this way after I've give you everything I can. To my gf, I really hope you're not the "good boy ain't fun" type of girl, because I'm almost fed up right now. So done that one day i would walk away and never wish to ever see you again. Please, be good to me. I deserved to love too.

2025-08-14

!!

I don’t like you I just don’t want you to be in relationship.

2025-08-14

❤️‍🔥

So how are you? Do you feel better now? Do you miss me like I miss you or do you hate me?

2025-08-14

All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J

2025-08-14

What was all that for?

(I have wrote my first sentence and deleted it so many times, I lost count. So here goes nothing.) ....When we first met, I had no idea how much you could mean to me. You stayed when I needed you most, you told me I'm loved, and you held my hands through one of the hardest times in my life. But my heart shattered when I say, it was a false start to my cruel fairytale. You have made me surrendered, I gave you my all. I had never felt so deeply for anyone, and you knew how to make me fell for you. Maybe my love spoiled you, because darling you have changed. From the woman who could no wrong, to your worst enemy. It could be the day I breathed the wrong way, asked you the wrong question, said what you did upset me, asking too many questions. Those things made you reset me. Am I to walk on eggshells around you if we want to be together? Am I just to be the person you pick up the phone whenever you feel like calling? Am I to be the one you apologize and make amends? Am I the one to always be dealt a lower hand? Is it wrong to want to feel loved my the person you feel so deeply for? Is it wrong to want your partner to care about you? Is it wrong to not want to be ignored for hours? I never regretted the love I gave you. But my biggest regret was I had convinced myself that you cared for months. I let it continued when I knew there was no way I can live with this forever. I used to think that having you smiling at me a few times was better than none. Having you for an hour to myself was better than not talking to you at all. How it broke my heart to admit the truth today, you had no idea how much you hurt me. I wonder if you cared, you probably don't. I don't think you ever did in the recent months. This is my peace offering to you, I'm leaving. DONE. I'm done making excuses for you, I'm done being treated like the person you hated. I'm most certainly done with being your last priority. I don't know what love should be, but I'm sure as hell our relationship isn't what love supposed to be. I'm writing this to all my girls out there, when things changed. You know. No matter how many times you have lied to yourself for him, you can't lie forever. If he truly wants to be with you, you will know. And when you do, leave.

2025-08-14

Until then

Hey. How have you been? I hope you are doing well. Ever since the day you returned my book and we stopped talking, on some days when I’m alone by myself, I could feel a sense of emptiness within my soul because I lost a great friend. An amazing life partner. Someone who genuinely tried to be there for me. Someone who tried to get to know me, understand me, and never judged. Someone who used to make silly jokes and laughed hysterically with me. Now whenever I go, I keep looking for you. Whenever I see the car you drive, it reminds me of you. Whenever I drive past the places we used to go, it gives me a hint of warmth and bittersweet memories. Right now I’m sitting at one of our favorite places by myself, reminiscing about us back in the days. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I guess it’s because I can only miss you from afar. Maybe its because both of us deserve closure before everything ended, but we never got one. Maybe it’s because I regret making hasty decisions of cutting you off and ignoring your existence. As much as I want to send you a text, I could never get myself to do it. I guess it’s too late and I shouldn’t ruin your efforts of moving on from me. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best in life and I hope you accomplish everything you want to do. Maybe one day, we’ll get to meet again and talk it out. Until then, I will still long for your presence. Until then, please continue to be a beautiful soul that you’ve always been.

2025-08-14

your presence

it's so weird to no longer have someone in your life. whether it's a friend you don't talk to anymore or a partner you've broken up with, it's so weird to be left with all of this knowledge of someone else and have no use for it anymore. like the way they drink their coffee, their favorite meal when they're sad, a story they told you abt their childhood when you both saw something that reminded them of said story so now you're reminded of it too when you see that thing. and to have someone out in the world with so much intimate and casual knowledge of you and you wonder if they feel happy or sad or uncaring when they see something that reminds them of you too.