As if what I've ever done never enough for anyone

It's 12 a.m., I'm staring at the lamp right above my bed, trying to think of a reason why i never receive back the same effort i put on anyone. I've been in a relationship many times, and never in one of these have i ever feel like I'm receiving love from my significant other. I'm either abandoned, ghosted, or being taking for granted. There are lots of things in my chest that i just want to scream it all out right now, but i couldn't. I really wish my current relationship would last, but it seems like I'm being ignore more and more from one day to another. I'm really tired, I just don't understand why you treated me this way after I've give you everything I can. To my gf, I really hope you're not the "good boy ain't fun" type of girl, because I'm almost fed up right now. So done that one day i would walk away and never wish to ever see you again. Please, be good to me. I deserved to love too.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

How to stop getting attached too easily?

How to stop getting attached too easily? Because it feels foolish to know I'm the only one who still recalls the little moments when the other person has already forgotten about me and is enjoying someone else's company better, I'm the only who felt sad when we said goodbye that day, the only one who actually listened and remembers small details. I looked ridiculous for getting upset with the person's words and expecting them to understand how I felt, you know, that pathetic feeling of getting mad តែឯងៗ lol. What's even more foolish is that they have always set boundaries and made it clear that there's nothing between us. Yet, I still managed to catch all these weird feelings.

2025-08-14

Walked away day

Again, thanks for coming back to me and stay until our anniversary day.. I knew i am stupid to say this alone, I always remember everything of us, and i always wanted us to get back again.. But it’s never worth it, you are not in love with me anymore and you had a someone better than me , hope he can treat you better and give you whatever you want… So what i have to do , i let you go, and please don’t even look back as a friend or still remember what I have done with you! I will never bothering you again.. so hope you are doing great, always meet up with someone better as you wish. Don't worry, no one will mess your life up again, no one will ask you to stay again.. You can choose him and start over with him.. Thanks for came back again to completed our 2-years day! Saturday, 25 Sep 21 Walked away day!

2025-08-14

Old notes#2

Number 11 becomes my fav cos it’s the time I keep checking if you’re still awake like I am, if you are thinking of me like I am; it shows that I still care for you even before or after that 11 number, or maybe it’s just an excuse that I make to lie to myself that only when the short and long hand of the clock point to 11 is the time I think about you, when actually I’m thinking about you every hour which I can barely say the word hour cos every second seems so long let alone an hour, when actually I’m waiting for the time to arrive at 11 again so that I can lie to myself again that I only think of you at this 11:11. #lovefailed
2025-08-14

Cheater

Can I expose my ex on this page ? So that I can warn other girls…?
2025-08-14

How to decide?

I told you to wait for me, it only 10 months and I will come back. But thing doesn't turn out as I planned and Im stuck with my life decision right now. So our relationship started when I moved to a country for my Master Degree. She is my junior in my faculty and we been dated for 1 year and half. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, she was everything I ever imagine in a girl. My friends told me that my life is like a k-drama series because I was never been that happy before. After almost a year of dating our relationship getting hard, you accused me as a cheater while I just did exactly what u asked me to do. You was telling me you want to get married and live a normal life like other girls and told me to start looking for someone else. My heart broke into pieces everytime I heard those words from you, I couldn't endure the pain somehow. So I was started talking to someone else while feeling really guilty to you. You caught me texting with someone else, guess what now u feel what I feel now? You asked for a break up but does not we already broke up? After a series of drama we made up ,thanks to Covid-19 for made up stuck in a house together. But the problem now I almost finished my study and I need to get back to my country. I told you I will continue my study, just wait for 10 months I will get back after I get a scholarship. I didn't understand my self y I have to grind so hard for a relationship that already broken. Even I know at the end you will not choose me, even I know u still keep texting other person. I still remember ur sobbing face when u send me off at airport, our last hug, our last meal at airport. Now 6 months had passed, I has moved to my country and it was very hard in the first few months when I was the only person who wanna keep this relationship. Even I used to get " I miss you" text from u a few times and It made me very happy but deep down I knew things changed and we ended. You told me to move on and be happy since you alr start dating someone. I don't know how to feel happy hearing this. After a severe heartache, I tell my self I wont go back to that place again and I wont let anyone hurt me again. Now I moved on, happy with my life, I able to imagine my life without u in it until I got an email telling me that I was offered a scholarship. It is a great news yes it a scholarship I prayed for before , it was a dream come true and it is a ticket for me to find you. But my head mess up, I can't decide should I accept or reject? Should I leave things I have built here and go back to suffer again? PhD is sound fancy but it also a very lonely journey and suffocation. Plus I want to build my life without u involve in it, I don't want to feel those pain again. But this time I will made a decision for me, a life decision without u involve in it... PS: We both are girls.

2025-08-14

A secret untold

My mom married this guy since I was like 8. We've been living together like a family but I'm not close to my mom neither do her husband. I don't call that guy dad either. They had two kids together, my younger siblings and I have a family bond, we're close to each other. But started when I'm grown up, this guy somehow touched me jokingly. Sometimes this guy would laugh and touch my toes, hands, and there's one time he pointed my boob. That makes me very uncomfortable and I couldn't point him out since he acted like it was unintentional. One time he showed me my picture (I stand and bend my back, it was a picture took from a trip) and said laughing, look at your picture it looks like... He didn't finish his sentence but you should know very well what he means. Normal people wouldn't look at one's picture and think about that unless they have lewd thought with them. I think he secretly watched me showering at night too by some hole on the bathroom's wall (they intended to make another bathroom but til now they didn't do it yet) I was too slow to notice. Every time I'm in the shower he would disappear too, and every time he heard me entering the bathroom he would go outside the house even if it's 12am and cameback right in time when I'm done. About my mom, I think she suspects this too. But instead of holding her husband accountable. She confronted me instead, I was so upset. Imagine your own mother is jealous of you and her husband and she's too scared to lose that guy and started confronting you. She really makes me lose faith in mother-daughter's bond. I know we're not close but this is too much. She questioned me everytime like I was a prisoner but never says a word to her husband. I'm starting to hate her now. Fuck. I hate this so much. I've never said a word about this to anyone because I think I can hold in. But it started getting heavy now.

2025-08-14

Dear S_Tep

It’s already a month since we apart. May I ask have you ever regretted about your decision that you make​? I’m still think what if we still continue our status, how good or bad it is? I know our time together was short, but it is deep to me.

2025-08-14

Bullied? Anxiety? - T

I used to be considered as “ugly” (got bullied for being overweight, etc. even adults used to do that to me :D ) that really destroyed my self esteem. Although, I lost weight and take care of myself and is considered as pretty now but still the permanent mental damages are there. I had developed eating disorder, social anxiety, etc. I fake being confident but the anxiety, the trembling, and panic attack always happened. And because of that anxiety that fear of being judged I think a huge misunderstanding was made. Sometimes I really wish I could just communicate better instead of always being quiet. :)