Your name
Why can’t I hate the one who hurt and broke my heart into pieces? I can’t even erase your name from my head. I am fu*king hurt when I hear your name. Stupid me hoping to start over again with you.
I’m trying to be okay but I’m tired now.
Why can’t I hate the one who hurt and broke my heart into pieces? I can’t even erase your name from my head. I am fu*king hurt when I hear your name. Stupid me hoping to start over again with you.
I lost my friend several months ago. she was someone I talked to every day and even asked for advice. and we met when we’re studying in Australia. It still feels unreal every time I see her photos with a smiley face, I still have difficulty believing she’d do it. how can a girl who is always smiling dealing with mental illness and nobody knows about it. There were no warning signs. she is a person I wished I could be more like (not jealousy, I’m just admire her). Happy, creative, smart, perfect family status, beautiful smiles. Always upbeat and looking out for others. She texted me a day earlier before it happened. I should’ve talked to her that day a little more…why didn’t I. The way it happened was shocking. I still wonder if I could have helped her that day. It's almost like it never happened because it just doesn't seem real, it was so unexpected. As I'm typing this its just actually hitting me again that she is really gone. but looking back, yeah, there were some signs because I accidentally saw her searching about medicine but she said it was just research projects. the guilt in my guts is overwhelming. I also noticed that she was extremely exhausted and kinda isolated herself from anyone earlier that month but I was pretty naive on top of that. It really bothers me now, because she was obviously giving some signs but I was too stupid to realize what was going on. I LOVE YOU, S P.S If someone is popping up in your mind while reading this please don’t ignore them and checking on them every chance you get as the last chance you will ever have may have been yesterday. Be there when you can. Even if its just checking up on someone. If you care about someone, let them know. If someone reaches out to you, even a little... be there for them. You never know when they are in their final moment of desperation. Not everyone will have the same signs. Some won’t have any at all. If you suspect something at all... just let them know you care and that if they ever need to talk, that you are there for them. That they are never a burden, not to you. Even if they never open up to you, just hearing that can make a world of difference. And if you are struggling yourself, please open up to someone. Anyone. Even if its someone you don't know that well. There is nothing wrong if you’re going to met therapist.
We dated twice but were never in a relationship, yet the feelings that we shared, the sparks that I felt, it was like no other. You were good but I have to move on because I know having you will never bring me peace of mind. And I never wanted that.
I miss you a lot more than I realized. things keep happening and I always find myself wishing I could tell you about them.
The late night messages I used to receive from you. The restaurants we went to together. The time we spent chatting with one another. All of these are just memories now. You always stared at me, and when I asked why were you staring at me, it caught you off and you just finished with a smile and said nothing. My heart beat faster than usual whenever you smiled because it somehow made me feel nervous not knowing what you were thinking about me when we sat in front of each other. I always wondered if you felt the same way I felt about you. When you confessed, I was on cloud nine. You were a gentleman, and you constantly showed me what all boyfriends should be doing to their girlfriends. Everything turned into a dream. You already have your lover. All I could think of was how good it could be if our relationship were possible, and how would she felt if she knew how nice you had been doing to me. You made me fall madly in love with you, but at the same time hate you. I hate that you were lying and not telling me the truth. I hate that you were being so good to me. I hate that I think about you all the time even knowing that you already have your significant other. I hate that I still miss you.
If my mind could be read, you would be surprised how deeply my feeling is for you. Thanks for all the nice things you've done and I do appreciate your presence. Knowing you was a great coincidence and I wouldn't ask for more.
Memories seemed to be faded as the time flew without stopping a single second, out of the blue, we started to chat with each other again. it'd been many year since we last talked to each other. first of all, I just want to know if you are fine, healthy, and happy with your boyfriend even though I feel that you guys have already broken up. As before you're still the most hardworking girl ( i should say woman yet I still find you still a girl who didn't know your own limit). my feeling for you is still over here even though we have already broken up for many years, I wonder and always ask myself are you still have feelings for me as before? but my feeling told me that you had already moved on and prepared to be successes woman who didn't depend on others. Everything has changed yet my feeling still stay. I'm standing from here wishing you success on your journey and being able to find your true happiest with the right partner who stays there with you through every situation. ^_^
Take good care of ur self, I love you in silence. #o