Inside

There a big black hole inside of me which can't be fill. That empty part even myself can't complete it. U think having everything are happinese? No! I have and able to get what i want but if u ask am i happy yet? No i don't, Do i ask for more? Also, no i don't. I don't understand either why am i like this? I think everything seem to be enough for me but why am i feeling so empty? Why is it so dry?...... How long does this feeling going to last?.... I want to feel happinese too...

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

ស្នេហាតែម្ខាង

ទើបតែដឹងថាស្នេហាឈឺចាប់បែបនេះ ពេលដែលយើងចេះស្រលាញ់គេយើងគួរតែទទួលស្គាល់ថាគេមិនមែនជារបស់យើងទុកមុនទើបមិនសូវឈឺចាប់។ កាលដែលស្រលាញ់គេដំបូងមិនដែលគិតទេថាគេសំខាន់ហើយនឹកគេគ្រប់វេលាបែបនេះទេ។ សួរថាឈឺចាប់អត់ស្រលាញ់គេម្នាក់ឯង? ចម្លើយប្រាកដជាអត់ហើយ ប៉ុន្តែប្រសិនបើសួរថាហត់អត់? គឺហត់ខ្លាំងណាស់។ បើហត់ចុះទ្រាំធ្វើអ្វី? ទ្រាំព្រោះតែស្រលាញ់។ ស្រលាញ់មនុស្សម្នាក់គ្មានហេតុផលទេហើយយើងក៏មិនអាចហាមឃាត់ខ្លួនឯងមិនឱ្យស្រលាញ់គេបានដែរ ... ការស្រលាញ់នរណាម្នាក់វាអាចមកពីព្រហ្មលិខិតក៏ថាបាន ..។ នៅតែស្រលាញ់ទោះបីជាធ្វើឱ្យឈឺចិត្តប៉ុន្មានដង ក៏ស្រលាញ់ យើងអាចជាមនុស្សអធ្មានិយមក្នុងរឿងស្នេហាក៏ព្រោះតែពាក្យ ធ្វើតាមបេះដូង ហើយមិនចង់ឱ្យគេក្លាយជារបស់អ្នកណា។ តាមបេះដូងនៅថ្ងៃនេះអាចខុសនៅថ្ងៃក្រោយ តែយើងអាចស្ដាយក្រោយមួយជីវិតបើយើងមិនបានធ្វើតាមបេះដូង.....។ ពេលខ្លះយើងកំពុងនឹកគេ ទាំងដែលគេនឹកអ្នកផ្សេង សប្បាយជាមួយអ្នកផ្សេង .... គេធ្វើអ្វីមួួយក្នុងចិត្តនេះរំភើបណាស់ ទាំងដែរគេធ្វើដាក់អ្នកផ្សេងបែបនេះដូចគ្នា។ ជាមនុស្សឆ្លាតតែបែរជាល្ងង់រឿងស្នេហា ទាំងដែរមិនមែនជាមនុស្សបែបហ្នឹងពីមុនមក.. អារម្មណ៍អីហ្នឹងឈឺម៉េស? ហ្នឹងមែនស្នេហា? ចង់ប្រាប់ថាយូរប៉ុណ្ណ៉ាក៏ចាំឱ្យតែការរង់ចាំនេះមានតម្លៃ គ្រាន់តែចង់បានគេ តើខ្ញុំទាមទារច្រើនពេកមែនទេ? ណ្ហើយ ទៅមុខក៏មិនកើតថយក្រោយក៏មិនបាន xD បើពេលនោះមិនស្នេហ៍ ប្រហែលមិនឈឺដូចពេលនេះទេ ..៕

2025-08-14

To my beloved BF

To my beloved bf Please always rmb I always love you but there are many things that I must handle on my own. I know we are one and we must get thru things together but this time it is too much. So let me suffering alone. I don’t want you to feel bad and need to get into these problems too. I love you always and still. I hope you are always doing good and I will be there always seeing you getting what you want. I can’t wait to see you success and it would be the day I feel happy the most. Thank you for loving me and taking care of me so far. I can tell you are perfect for me.But let’s do this, let’s me handle my problem first without bothering you. ily💕

2025-08-14

Beers and cigarettes

Growing up I never want to drink and smoke. Everybody know that it’s bad for your health plus nobody likes u if they know you did it. I’m a female , friendly and well educated. Nobody suspect me for smoke because I’m well behaved but deep down I’ve been addicted to smoke and drinks for 2 year already :( it help me release stress. I remember the first time I tried to smoke after cutting myself and it help me it make me realize that instead of killing myself I should smoke. Yes it’s a bad decision but I have no choice. School and family matter I can’t stand it plus my mental health. I hope nobody judge me for smoke and drink beers when they know it. I’m afraid everyone gonna find out about it and hate me I’m scared. Sorry for my bad English

2025-08-14

What's wrong with me?

I don't really know what happens. I just feel sorry for everyone and sorry for myself. Every day seems heavy. feel like crying and tiring without doing anything. Feeling lost, no goal. I remember my friends told me to create one if you don't have any dreams. But how if I don't even know what do I love? I'm such an idiot. There's a lot of things running inside my head and I just want anybody to listen without judging me but everyone looks so busy. I'm just a troublemaker. Still, what's happened? what do I actually feel? I hate being like this. I'm lost.

2025-08-14

If you are happy, I’m happy.

One of my male colleagues and I are so close, but the closest thing I mentioned was that I'm the one who's trying to get close to him. I think I like him a lot, but I'm not daring to tell him. I don't want to ruin the relationship between us. It was good enough for me to have him during my stressful times, happy times, busy times, and anytime I needed him. I'm so grateful. Even if in the future you're not mine, I believe you will be a good husband to your future wife like how you're treating me these days. I'm a bit jealous of whoever deserves you, but if you're happy, I'm happy too. Day by day, my day becomes more and more colorful and shines since I have you by my side. You're so good for my mental health. It was so boring when you were complaining about this and that, but it is so empty without those complaints. I want you, the person who is giving me these good feelings, to feel them as well; to feel loved by someone; to feel treated well; and to be my lover, so I don't have to worry about your future wife. Thank you for being there for me during my hard times. I really appreciated every moment I had with you.

2025-08-14

Dear #H

I know u still love him and i know u cant forget him. If u see this, i wanted to tell u that if u really him, u could make up with him i wont mad. I knew u just treat me as a replacement and i also treat u as a replacement too cuz I'm just bored. I'm really sorry for what i've done.

2025-08-14

Everytime w/ u is special and i luv being ur. Can’t unlove u*

Perhaps power is letting go of the grips of the past and standing empty handed in the future. It all come down to the last person i think of at night. That’s my heart is. The people that are quick to walk away are the one who never intended to stay. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that given us. And then we decided to distance between us define our love. And once my bestfri said “my standard is not to ask anyone to stay , If they want to leave , let them . Even we broken but im still support u behind ur back if u success one day. Maybe in the future we cross each other path and grow a little more so we can be tgt again , im hopefully. Anyway im more me now like im matured. I love myself more than before. I can say im better. I know my value. Im stronger. I did everything for myself and for u. So friendly reminder: Dont give all your love to only one person because u should love urself first before others , if u won’t, u will hurt in the end.

2025-08-14

I think it hits me again…

I think the dep hits me again. I noticed by when my heartbeat started to go fast, sometimes I feel suffocated, I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t concentrate, my hands get shaky, my body feel weak, I got lost of interest in making any decisions, my weight started to lost again. I hate to fall into the conditions but I couldn’t help. I tried asking for help but it doesn’t work, it only makes me feel like I’m different, especially when they try to be too careful with me (it looks to fake, I could see it) It is amazing how my mood changes too quickly, I was just laughing and talking a lot yesterday, but today everything become a sorrow story again. I used to think of getting a therapist, asking an expert on my conditions, but the fact that I was under control by my family and that I couldn’t ride or drive any transportation method at all, make me feel even more bad and useless. I also used to think about reaching them via email or phone calls, but I was too scared, it was too hard for me to make myself do it, so I decided I gave up seeking for mental specialist. I chose to be healed by my own. (I really did heal myself but there was a lot of time the demon hits me back and forth, sometimes I feel really happy and the next minutes I feel like k*lling myself) I don’t know what else should I do. Are there anyone who will be the light for me?