A secret untold

My mom married this guy since I was like 8. We've been living together like a family but I'm not close to my mom neither do her husband. I don't call that guy dad either. They had two kids together, my younger siblings and I have a family bond, we're close to each other. But started when I'm grown up, this guy somehow touched me jokingly. Sometimes this guy would laugh and touch my toes, hands, and there's one time he pointed my boob. That makes me very uncomfortable and I couldn't point him out since he acted like it was unintentional. One time he showed me my picture (I stand and bend my back, it was a picture took from a trip) and said laughing, look at your picture it looks like... He didn't finish his sentence but you should know very well what he means. Normal people wouldn't look at one's picture and think about that unless they have lewd thought with them. I think he secretly watched me showering at night too by some hole on the bathroom's wall (they intended to make another bathroom but til now they didn't do it yet) I was too slow to notice. Every time I'm in the shower he would disappear too, and every time he heard me entering the bathroom he would go outside the house even if it's 12am and cameback right in time when I'm done. About my mom, I think she suspects this too. But instead of holding her husband accountable. She confronted me instead, I was so upset. Imagine your own mother is jealous of you and her husband and she's too scared to lose that guy and started confronting you. She really makes me lose faith in mother-daughter's bond. I know we're not close but this is too much. She questioned me everytime like I was a prisoner but never says a word to her husband. I'm starting to hate her now. Fuck. I hate this so much. I've never said a word about this to anyone because I think I can hold in. But it started getting heavy now.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

My life was a mess ~

My life has been the whole mess until I met you. I’m so happy that I’m having you to stop me from giving up on my life. I was happy to continue my goal and pursue my higher degree. Then you suddenly left me hanging there while you already knew you’re the only person I go to whenever I have problems. You start talking to someone else while I can’t move on from you. I start to be unproductive at work. I lost my motivation to study. I no longer have any appetite. I mess up my sleeping schedule again. I start taking more and more medicine. I can’t do anything right. I can’t get my mind right on the track. I can no longer focus while riding or driving. I’m completely losing myself cuz I’ve been giving all myself to you and my feeling is depending on you. My life become miserable again. Whenever everyone ask what happened, I can’t answer, I can’t tell them what happened to me. Just mentioning I’m stressing out abt my work, while in fact I still want you back even though I know you don’t want to and already having someone new.

2025-08-14

i wish i could only be poor to the point i can handle it.

: )
2025-08-14

Don't worry!

Where should I start... So you guys might not know who am I and I love to keep it that way. But some might notice by the way I write this confession. So just like the title said "don't worry". Recently, both my mental and physical health is not doing good. I sometimes experience chest pain whenever I wake up from my sleep, I can't eat much even though I try, I've been having insomnia for 3 years already. There are some people who actually worry about me and tell me to visit a doctor and even want to help me with all the stuff that have happened; I really appreciate your kindness guy, really. I have visited the doctor, but I don't want to describe what he told me here. I have never asked anyone for anything; however, here I am for the first time, asking my friends, family to smile at my funeral when I'm gone. I know it's impossible for you, but let just say that it's my last wish and please help me fulfill it. I've been fighting so hard, but I'm sorry I can feel that I'm not strong enough, not anymore. I'm not gonna do anything stupid but I know that my time is coming, sooner or later. So please don't worry about me.
2025-08-14

How we end it

You were so easy to read because how you treat me is how you feel about me. From the very beginning to the very end, I never ask to reassure anything because you were always the one to show the efforts of keeping me. But now that I don’t receive that energy and efforts anymore, I kinda know that it’s the right time we both end it.
2025-08-14

I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.
2025-08-14

Just all confused

If someone acts like they don't wanna talk to you and stop reaching out to you, it just simply means they want nothing to do with you anymore, right? It's just that clear and obvious, I don't even know what else I need in order to acknowledge it. At this point, I don't even wanna try to catch up or stay in touch because it's way too late. I just find it weird how we suddenly become strangers even though we didn't argue or anything. It's just that I have never been in this situation before. I used to think it would be better to end all contacts with you because I got my feelings mixed up. "Why do I feel upset and jealous if I don't even like you that way? Maybe friends get jealous too if they feel like they're being replaced?" Those kind of stuffs. Now that we don't contact each other, I no longer know what's going on between you and that person so I don't have to feel that type of upset anymore. But, I start to feel upset at how you're so fine with our situation while I'm not. I'm confused and I don't even know how I want the situation to unfold.
2025-08-14

My aftermath

It’s been 4 months now. I had bread with condensed milk today and my tears drop at the last bite when I saw us. I saw the time you eat muffin in Uni every morning and think to myself I would never date the guy but then you appeared in class. I saw the time when you were mean to me just so we can get closer. I saw countless topics you would pick on me and we would fight on purpose. I saw the time when we went on the first trip, I would never get why anything you tried to relay, so that night with sounds of the sea under the stars I asked and there I got myself a confession that I never expect. I saw you driving me home in others car or would took trains with me so I can go home safe and we can see each other a little more. I saw us going to the beach at 2am. I saw the time we got frustrated just cuz we really want the “best” best for each other when we were stubborn at times. I saw the time when you only show the silliest side to me and not others. I saw the time when I was being dramatic on purpose so i can see you fight for me more cuz that’s lovely. I saw the time when I said harsh things just to see how much you can take. I saw the time when we went back to visit Bodia together for the first time and you would have a hard time being with my friends and how uncomfortable you look becuz you were guilty of hanging out everyday being with a girlfriend rather your family while you visits and you don’t even enjoy it. I saw the time when I stood you up outside my friends house becuz we fought and I was crying in the room endlessly just to hear my friend telling me you are outside waiting for me, of course I regret it days after. I saw the time when you danced off to rewards from your efforts. I saw the time when stayed together 24/7 which I loved and hated, more like love. I saw the time when touching your cheeks, your hair, annoying you is my favorite things in a day when the city is locked down. I saw the time when we had our last hug at the airport during Covid which I never thought would be the last. I saw the time you had your first job and i would bombarded you with questions every day about it. I saw myself crying over the fact that you tried so hard to not burden your family and actually be that “son”. I saw the time you tell me your weird dreams, the one straight outa movie and shockingly the one we shared on the same night. I saw the time you would get emotional when talking to your family which I always feel guilty for hurting you in a way after. I saw myself becoming distant gradually becuz of the distance after you started it. I saw myself adoring you in secret and act the other way round everyday. I saw myself bragging about you to my mom just so she can prepare for the man her daughter choose. I saw you stopped liking me but the love stays, you couldn’t get out of the relationship that suffocates you at all. I saw myself realizing how much you meant to me, and I realized it even more when we called it quit. Just how much I actaully love you. I never regret every seconds in the relationship we built. You will always be part of who me. Without you I would never know what true love is. I would never get to love someone as much as my life. I would never know what sacrifice feels like. I would never get to experience so much life. I would never be an adult I am today. I would still choose to fall for you all over and over again if we can go back in time. Thank you for the growth, the honesty, the man that you are and what we had. Its a real farewell yeah? Goodbye, tvt
2025-08-14

Waiting...

កាលពីឆ្នាំ 2019 ខ្ញុំបានសុបិនឃើញមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលខ្ញុំមិនធ្លាប់ស្គាល់សោះ ជួបគេនៅកន្លែងដែលមិនស្គាល់ដូចគ្នា!ក្នុងសុបិន្តនោះ គេមិនបង្ហាញមុខឲ្យខ្ញុំឃើញទេ គ្រាន់តែបែខ្នង... it's really strange, because I never dreamed anyone who I never know. ពេលនោះក៏មិនចាប់អារម្មណ៍ គ្រាន់តែគិតថា ប្រហែលអារម្មណ៍មកពីណាមិនដឹងដែលឲ្យសុបិនបែបនេះ។ ខ្ញុំក៏បំភ្លេចវាទៅ... តែថ្មីៗនេះ ចុងឆ្នាំ2021 ខ្ញុំបែរជាសុបិនម្ដងទៀត វាចម្លែកដូចគ្នា ឃើញមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលមិនធ្លាប់ស្គាល់ តែលើកនេះឃើញគេពីចំហៀងវិញ...ពេលភ្ញាក់មក មិនចាប់អារម្មណ៍ខ្លាំងទេ! បន្ទាប់មកចាប់ផ្តើមគិត Why this dream really strange? Have I seen this person before?? ចម្លើយគឺជា ម្នាក់ដែលខ្ញុំសុបិនកាលពី ២ ឆ្នាំមុន! ( ខ្ញុំមិនច្បាស់ទេថាគេបាននិយាយអីឬអត់ តែកាយវិការដែលគេបង្ហាយ ខ្ញុំអាចដឹងបានថាគេកំពុងចាំ ហើយឲ្យខ្ញុំចាំដូចគ្នា!) ខ្ញុំមិនដឹងថាវាពិតឬអត់ ហើយអ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាជឿឬអត់ទេ តែខ្ញុំគ្រាន់តែគិតថាខ្ញុំនឹងជួបគេថ្ងៃណាមួយ! To that person : " Waiting " is the word that reminded me every day. No matter what, no matter where and who u are, if both dreams are real, I wish to see u. However, when that time comes u have someone or don't I'm still waiting. Just want to see u is enough!! Remember me! I'm still waiting u...!