Die

I cant stop thinking about suicide. I don't know. There's nothing much about the problem i've got but i just dunno how to solve it and i cannot think how to too. I cant tell anyone anymore, just like they'll just judge me and thinking im attention seeker. (Even here now, i have no confidence writing this without thinking they will judge me) Stuck on anything, and my mind keep telling me "if you die that'll be solve cuz it's you, you are the problem." I really am maybe... I'm sorry if I ruin your day, really sorry.

Feeling bottled up?

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To the one guy I used to confessed my feelings

Since I broke up with my ex bf in March 2021, I never had any bf until now. Not because I didn’t fall in love with anyone else. It’s because I used to asked s1 abt feeling during I broke up. And the answer is “ death both side”xD. And yeah at the time he’s the only person that I chatted with, told him how’s my feelings, sometime cried while sending my voice to him. Then we haven’t chatted for awhile. Currently, And he just text me and get on with each again.

A Good friend but A Bad lover.

Have you ever wondered about yourself that you get along with people so well, you adapt yourself into everyone's comfy zone, but they can't adapt back to you. I, myself, have been into so many situations where the person i loved couldn't bare to love me back. We both felt the same way for each other. But when it comes to relationship, It's became so weird and it gets to the point where both of us should part ways and stay friend. Things weren't like that when we were friend. It gets complicated when we both push the boundary. Was it my fault? Until thesedays i still have the same questions running around my head, living rent free. Where/What did i do wrong?.

Suicidal thought

It comes again...that thought and why its keep whisper in my ear and keeping running in my brain telling me i should die so everything will be fine? Why is it me? Why am i being like this?

Me and her, the never ending circle

It’s easy to find someone who is pretty, rich, smart, smell good, nice figures, doll-like face, academic success, business oriented mind, hard working, considerate, helpful, charming, unbeatable spirit, sassy and down to earth. But at the end of the day IT IS NOT YOU. I drive down all different roads but they all lead back to you and I am sorry to everyone who came across me all of these time at the end i tried to turn you guys into her and I failed pathetically. So for one last time I know i came back way too late to you, too late to realize that no one will ever be able to be like you, too late to realize what we used to have is a the only and last genuine thing in my life. please make this work even I have to made a deal with a devil. Because at the end of the day everyone gonna hurt me Atleast I want the blade that stabs me to be yours. I love you I hope the alternate version of us would never go through the same hell we did ❤️

:((

ពួកយេីងបានបែកគ្នាហើយ តែខ្ញុំនៅស្រឡាញ់គេ គេក៏នៅស្រឡាញ់ខ្ញុំ គេប្រច័ណ្ឌពេលខ្ញុំលេងជាមួយអ្នកផ្សេង ខ្ញុំក៏ដូចជាគេ ហេីយពួកយេីងឆាតSweet ជាធម្មតា គ្រាន់តែមិនមែនជា Relationship តេីបែបនេះគេហៅថាអ្វី?🥲

Old notes

I felt inspired by watching the rain through my bedroom’s window with my light off. What if the rain were just like us human when crying? Those droplets were just like our tears. Those rumbled thunder was just like us yelling out for help, and those lighting strikes were like us trying to hurt ourselves. It would be unfair if so. Instead of having friends staying besides to comfort like human, the rain doesn’t. Even worse, people would just run away as fast as they can just to avoid it; they get scared, cover their ears even eyes, and curse when they see or hear it thundering. I am one of them too. I get scared and cover my ears when hearing ones. But now, by sitting in my room and considering it, I feel sorry for it. Imagine having no one to turn to or understand you when you need them, and that’s how the sky feels right now. It has been hiding its pain for so long that it couldn’t hold it back anymore, so it had to let it out by pouring rain on us, hopelessly crying and asking for help. That’s why I sit here in my room looking at you and admire you from afar without you noticing or even knowing that I exist. You are doing a great job. Yes! Let it all out; however, I can’t assure you that there won’t be any day like this again, but one step at a time. Remember all those days that the sun was burning all of the creatures on earth while you were their savior? You gave us rain, shades, and good days to us. We are grateful for that. You know what? Without you raining (crying and getting things out of your chest), the presence of rainbow means nothing at all. Therefore, look at those good things you have done for us to keep you going. #sciencefailed

I wish I would have realized that earlier

I'm not about to keep explaining myself, my feelings, my boundaries, and my actions to somebody who is intent upon misunderstanding or ignoring me when I do. I cannot communicate with somebody who is not open to exchanging. Communication is what you do and how you behave, not just your words. Did you ignore me all day to play video games? Well guess what? This communicates with exquisite clarity that you values video games more than spending time with me. Does you ogle other women? you’re communicating that you’re disloyal. Communication with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you or taking advantage of you, is absolutely useless and you’re better off preserving your energy and moving on. Communication is happening 24 hours a day, whether the you realizes it or not. Everything you say, everything you don’t say, everything you do or don’t do...ALL of it communicates something important. Even the most nuanced micro-expression on our faces are also the forms of communication. Actions speak louder than words.

I was lonely

Rejection is what I hear the most from day to day. Most of the time, I invite friends or more to hang out with me, yet they reject my favor. Thus, I create a new concept where I can live my life happy even if there is no one wants to be around me. It is called date yourself. Go on a trip, shopping, having a luxurious dinner, buying what I love, all by yourself. As I view from this perspective, I feel less lonely and enjoy my day much more.