My Fault

-N💗 Im sorry for hurting you. It was childish of me to do that to you. I don’t expect u to forgive me. I wish I could take every ounce of pain u feel right now. I love you, always. #221020

Feeling bottled up?

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Is it just me?

Everytime I see a couple, I start wondering is it just me who never had good fate in love? How do people got in love so easily, how lucky are they to be around someone they love. Look at me, I never had a chance to be in that position, I wasnt able to imagine what its like to be in their shoes. Everytime I start to commit in a relationship, all the experience I got are rejection, betrayal and ghosting. Those experiences scare me. Every time I want to commit in a relationship, my memory flashback and little voice in my head keep telling me: "keep it for yourself, love is not made for you." I hate it so much. I just want to be normal 😪

Please Help Stray Animals

Adopted stray cats/dogs are unlikely for some of us due to some different reasons. However, if you can afford to buy an expensive one, could you please donate some of your money to any animal rescue organization? Please at least let them to save those animals that are not lucky enough to have a home to stay safe and have enough food to eat? Many of us are animal lovers, so I hope that besides our pets at home, we can also share our love and caring to the stray ones too.

Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

To the ex i love the most,seng.

I realized that i loved u too much and forgot to kove myself. And now i love myself more than before. Im trying to hard to change myself to be better so I won’t get hurt in the future like u did to me. Anyway i never hate u. Im still loving u. It’s to be honest. I can’t unlove u. And I appreciated everything that u done for me before. U as the second man after my dad to take care me everything abt food, drink, sleep and protect my everytime. Im so thankful cuz i never got a man like u before.

What should I do next?

I’m sorry but I don’t freaking know what to do anymore. I don’t know whether he has feeling for me or he is just being nice. I don’t know whether to move on or keep holding into this one-sided love. I want to move on before I fall for him harder than this, but the love I have for that man right now is already deeper, deeper than you can ever imagine. I don’t want to be friend with someone I love, also I can’t accept the fact that one day we’ll be stranger again. A man who I’ve never expected I’d get closed to, a man who I’ve never expected that I’d fall for this hard, a man who I’m really happy to be around…

Unclear Relationship.

I was interested in him. I found his Instagram and I just clicked follow ‘cause I wanted to stalk him. Once, he had reacted on my story, then he replied to my story. We started talking to each other since that day. We’ve met 4times in person. We have a good connection. We keep contacting, checking up and talking to each other almost every day and night. We become more closer and closer. We’ve been knowing each other for 7months and we decided to go on date. We have a road trip. We created so many good memories together. There’s nothing between us. But when we were together, our action is more than a couple. I fall for him since the day we dated. But I keep it in mind ‘cause I’m not sure if he feel the same. I just play along day by day. One day, I decided to make the first move, I express all my feeling to him. I confessed to him. But… sadly, I got reject. So I choose to walk out and move on. BUT! He didn’t let me go! That’s the point!! He once said that we can’t be in a relationship. Also, we can’t end up. He tryna fix it. I muted and ignored all his social media but he keep contacting me everyday. Until today, he still ghosting me. I don’t really know what kind of relationship is this. I just wanna walk out and move on with peace. I don’t wanna waste each other time. I’m so tired of staying in this kind of situation. In the end, we’re not friend. Not a couple. We both just a stranger that used to have good memories. But please, let me go…

Thank you for reliving my soul #PYJ

Through a heart break of rejection and the lose of my best friendship, I felt like losing my own home. I got no one by my side, that's what a child far from home like me felt. Just then, I met you, someone I can share all my sorrow and believing. If you happen to see this, I just wanna let you know that you were my strength to confront and overcome those challenges. I'm grateful for your existing through my darkest hour, where your presence told me I have you. And you're in my memory too and I felt whatever you felt. I can't keep in touch with you for some reasons, that's why I couldn't tell you all this. And I know if I could tell you, you won't settle down. I have a different life now and I can't be a late night talk companion like I used to. I forgave you whatever you did and do forgive me too for whatever I said to you. Please think of me like a good friend you had. You gotta live your good life and one day, someone's gonna take my place from your memory to a living moment.

No Reason to Hold

Let's me explain it into an easy example: How heavy a glass of water? 12oz? 15oz? 300g? The absolute weigh of the glass doesn't matter... it depend on how long you hold on to it. If you hold for a minute, nothing happens. If you hold for an hour, your arm will begin to ache. If you hold it ALL DAY LONG, your arm will feel NUMB and PARALYZED. Well, the weigh of the glass hasn't changed, but the longer you hold on to it, the HEAVIER it becomes. The STRESSES and the WORRIES of my life are like this glass of water... First, I thinking about them for a little while there's no problem. If I keep think about it for a little bit longer... it BEGINS to hurt! Then I think about them ALL DAY LONG and I've feel PARALYZED incapable of doing anything! It's because I believed in it, that why I came this far. I'm trying, I'm trying, until I have tried~ SO, I decided to PUT THE GLASS DOWN. \U0001F951