My favorite songs

We left your house around 5pm. The sky started to rain. It's our first time riding a motorbike in the rain together. I wore your white hoodie hugging you from behind under the heavy rain. It was one of the best feelings ever. I would get emotional while staying under the rain but staying with you made me forget all those traumas. “I love you” you said it under the rain. I love it. I wish this moment would last longer. We went on Spotify and listened to heavy metal music because it's your fav genre but I skipped rock music. It was Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. We sang along. The next song was Good 4 U by Olivia Rodrigo. These two are my favorites. Little did I know, my story became exactly like my favorite songs. You gave up on me. I don't wanna lose you, never.

Feeling bottled up?

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First and last

#firstandlastpt1 Everything start from me, it was my fault that fall in love with him. It was me who start to message him first everytime and he really friendly that make me feel he has feeling for me too. I spent 3 year to know his information and start to message him in 2019.I don't except he really talkative in message and I have good memories with each other since 2019-2020. As a girl who never had experience in love, I was so brave to proposal to him first and he reject me and said sorry. It's hurt me alot but I pretend to be okay and text him we still can be cousin like before. After that moment, I only text him whenever it's related to family issues. Someday I really miss how funny conversation I had with him even I start it first. 2021 I start to move on because I learn some advice through the book , listen to music and start to working outside cause I was a junior now. It's really work for me, I'm happy with book and my friend, we go out and had fun time and I thought I'm not into him fr. But in 2022 March, He start to message me first and I start to ignore but after 2 day ago, he talk about his family issues related to me. I decided to reply short message and he ask me to join his sister's wedding. I said yes cause we're cousin and live next to each other now. But....he make me disappointed in him again. I'll update next part 🔜

Still hoping it’s us at the end

Alright so……where should I even start? It’s just that the memories and all the moments we had are too much to be organized and spoken by words. U’ve gone, i should’ve step forward too, but I couldn’t because I keep looking back at all the sweet talks we had, the love we spread, the scent of yours, especially the face I once fell for. Like, How could I walk myself forward imagining not being able to have u by my side like I used to? I wouldn’t wanna be cringe and creating poetry about our stories iswtg, But ever since u’ve left, I look for u in everyone, I look for u at everywhere and that shyt sucks, cuz I should know u wouldn’t think of me that way like i do. There’s none a day I didn’t think about u. There’s none a second I didn’t miss u. We might not make it works out this time, nevertheless let’s meet again next year, next 5 years or maybe next 10 years. I would love to start things again with u and try to make it all works out like I used to dream of the two of us. I’m wondering Where did we went wrong? ✌🏻This one is for u guys who are reading this, I wantin to share abit of what i regret and I hope u guys won’t do it like I did. The reason we ended up is not for the reasons of cheating, 3rd person, or things. Looking back at it, I was also part of the problem because I realize that “a love works out when both of us love each other the same way” while b4 I was the type of “a love only work out when the guy gives love more” that was completely wrong. U girls and guys should stop if u have it that way. U love em? Show em ur all. U care for em? Just go ahead n ask em how their day went.U want em?Fight for it. I’m pretty sure a word of yours will surely brighten their days up.This is how rlts works, if u are selfish or still expectin to gain more than u give, then don’t ask for love. Last words for him: Till this day, I still miss and miss you. What if in the next few years and I still can’t get over you? I don’t want to forget you n I hope u won’t forget me too.

The final date of us

My girlfriend and I had been dating for more than a year, and we shared a close friendship beyond anything else. We always understood each other and had a deep love that remained strong through all the ups and downs. However, our relationship came to a halt eventually as we realized that we were in different places in our lives. While she was only 20 and looking forward to getting married and having children soon, I was 21 and had different priorities in mind. I wanted to spend more time dating her, and I was thinking about starting a family around the age of 30. It was a tough decision, but we both knew that it was for the best if we went our separate ways. On the last day of our relationship, we decided to have one last date night. I took her out to a romantic restaurant that had live music and bought her flowers that she loved. We reminisced about our favorite moments together and talked about all the things that we would miss about each other. We discussed how we had impacted each other's lives in so many positive ways. Later in the evening, we went to see the Hobbit, which was one of our favorite movies. It was a bittersweet experience to watch the film together knowing that it would be our last time doing so. We hugged and kissed for one last time as we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Although it was an incredibly tough decision to make, we both agreed that it was the right one. It was the perfect end to our relationship, and it allowed us to move on with our lives. While we went our separate ways, I will always cherish the memories that we created together.

Missing someone you never had

Is there really a way to stop missing someone? Cos if you already kept your pride aside and tried to initiate but their responses kept on disappointing you, there isn't anything much you can do. What if years from now you still long to see them? What if every little things you see keep reminding you of them? What if you still look for closure knowing damn well they don't care about you? But then again, do all these questions even make any sense if it's a scenario between people who didn't even date, if it's just a one-sided thing?

Before I give up

Well, this confession gonna sound stupid to some of you, yet, I hope I can keep my memory here. I am madly in love with a person I met in middle 2021 but I have never confessed nor shown any signs to him at all for I knew I’m not his type. I first met him through a volunteer platform which help me to spent my awesome six months working together with him. I am hopelessly falling in love knowing that I will never get a response from him. There was a time I gather all my strength and used drunk as an excuse to directly talked to him about how I felt yet before I could even talk, I found out he already has eyes on somebody. Thank to that I did not lose him until today. We barely talked now as our project is already ended - honestly I am still into him but I give up now. I am too hopeless to even think about him so I decided to leave a note here and hope this would find him well or rest well in my memory. Thanks ~

You will lost the moon while counting the stars

Bae, I wish one day you can figure out that you can find a lot of stars that is bright as the moon but you’ll never seen the moon that is never give up on you in every the dark night. So thus, Take a good care of someone who truly when everything is still fine. Don’t leave them behind until they’re no longer love you, don’t be regret over the thing that you did. I bet once they left, They’d definitely never get back to somewhere that is full of pain. Can you remember there was a person who always beg and fight just for your attention? I guess, you obviously think that they just want the attention but the reality is they only want to spend sometime with you. You’ll never understand how hard it is trying to chase after theirs lover.

It is what it is

Well....... I've been in hell loop for a while. I already accepted it as what it is. I haven't moved on, but I am indeed moving forward.🤷

Frozen Memories

I can’t believe we’ve come this far. We got to know each other; take care each other, share our things, favourite food/drink, favourite songs/movies, our gaols, what we love, what we want…. we also went on adventures together with happiness and love like people in relationship do. But… We choose to be senior and junior. The distance between you and me it never seems to disappear, you and our memories are frozen in my heart. There are many things I don’t want to remember, always remember. If we confessed our feelings before this happened, it shouldn’t be this hard. If you just told me the things you’ve been through, we shouldn’t be strangers like we are right now. 😔 I miss you.