Feeling and reason are at war...

It was not right how I thought I could control my feelings since I was traumatized by how I was treated... It was not right how I thought my emotions could be detached if I belived so... It was not right how you just became a part of me, my emotion, my life without me knowing... It was not right how it could affect me this much just by not getting your text... I mean since when have you become this important to me? For some reasons, I think we have the mutual feelings, but it is just not right for us to be together because we are traumatized by our experiences, is it? Or has it been one-sided? I just feel confused and I fear that it would take too much time to move on... becuase you are always on my mind now. Us being able to talk again or not, I am not sure. What I am sure is that talking to you was one best experience. I enjoy it and I hope you feel the same. :)

Feeling bottled up?

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All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J

I think it hits me again…

I think the dep hits me again. I noticed by when my heartbeat started to go fast, sometimes I feel suffocated, I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t concentrate, my hands get shaky, my body feel weak, I got lost of interest in making any decisions, my weight started to lost again. I hate to fall into the conditions but I couldn’t help. I tried asking for help but it doesn’t work, it only makes me feel like I’m different, especially when they try to be too careful with me (it looks to fake, I could see it) It is amazing how my mood changes too quickly, I was just laughing and talking a lot yesterday, but today everything become a sorrow story again. I used to think of getting a therapist, asking an expert on my conditions, but the fact that I was under control by my family and that I couldn’t ride or drive any transportation method at all, make me feel even more bad and useless. I also used to think about reaching them via email or phone calls, but I was too scared, it was too hard for me to make myself do it, so I decided I gave up seeking for mental specialist. I chose to be healed by my own. (I really did heal myself but there was a lot of time the demon hits me back and forth, sometimes I feel really happy and the next minutes I feel like k*lling myself) I don’t know what else should I do. Are there anyone who will be the light for me?

my dearest 김

you deserve everything you know????? ចង់ប្រាប់ថាបងស្រលាញ់អូនខ្លាំងបំផុត I wanna pat your hair, kiss your forehead and keep you in my arms again. please stay healthy and happy until the day we meet again. from your one and only R.

Wish I could uncrush u

Dear crush, ik ure in love with somebody who ain’t me, yet I hope u’ll never be lonely like u always told me n realize this world as a beautiful place. I hope she’ll take good care of u n I wish u live in this love life ever after. My happiness is seeing u happy. Love u my dearest crush:) #m

សង្សារក្នុងចិត្ត

រាល់ទង្វើបងធ្វើគ្រប់យ៉ាងក្នងនាមត្រឹមជាប្អូនរបស់បង កំដរបងព្រោះពេលនេះបងនៅឆ្ងាយពីសង្សារបង ក៏មិនដែលមានបំណងបំបែកបំបាក់បងពីគេ មានត្រឹមតែចិត្តស្រលាញ់បងតែម្ខាង អរគុណដែលមិនភ្លេចថ្ងៃខួបកំណើតរបស់ប្អូនម្នាក់នេះ អរគុណជាមនុស្សទីមួយដែលជូនពរប្អូន អរគុណដែលបងចំណាយពេលវេលាជាមួយប្អូនតាមពាក្យសន្យារបស់បង នៅតែជាក្មេងតូចម្នាក់របស់បង បងសម្ដែងរឺមិនសម្ដែងប្អូនមិនដឹងទេ តែរាល់ទង្វើដែលបងធ្វើពេលនៅក្បែរគ្នា ប្អូនពិតជាមានសេចក្ដីសុខណាស់ ប្អូនដឹងច្បាស់ថាព្រំដែនរបស់ប្អូននៅត្រង់ណា ប្អូនសុំទុកបងនៅក្នុងចិត្តប្អូនបន្ដទៀតចុះ បងនៅតែជាមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលប្អូនឈោងមិនដល់ តែប្អូននៅតែប្រាថ្នាហើយស្រលាញ់បងដូចដើម ក្ដីសុខរបស់បងជាក្ដីសុខរបស់ប្អូនម្នាក់នេះដូចគ្នា។ ពីក្មេងតូចរបស់បងដែលតែងតែស្រលាញ់បង⭐️✌️

The hard way back

No one talks about how hard it is to get your life back on track after a depressive episode, I planned on ending my own life which is why I slowly stop putting effort in my study, relationships and work…now that I’ve seek help and gotten better, I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

Love is temporary, but my loyalty is eternal.

We've been dating for over a year. We promised each other at the time that if we broke up, we would be single for 5yrs. Unfortunately, we broke up. She had a new boyfriend a month after we broke up, and she did whatever she could to show me that she had gotten a better man than I am now. But she had no idea, however, that she had already broken a promise. I've been single for about 5 yrs, and the end of 2022 will officially be 5 years. Being single doesnt mean I cant get myself for a girlfriend. Because the promises we made to each other were genuine to me. After all, don't make promises if you can't keep them. :'3

Unrequited love or One-sided love

Definition of one sided love is a feeling of loving someone who doesn't feel the same for you. Yess, just a short title you can feel how much it hurts. "Destiny" this word we use it as an excuse to make it look like a bridge that guide me to you. Do you remembered how we first met? How great that we study at the same faculty and together as a classmates and more greater is that we always work together as a partner of the assignments. So since than we started to talk about lectures, study together, and help each other. How fun when we flirted with each other and it was a great feelings when our classmates started to pair us. However, at the end, I am the only one fallen into that trap. Why? Have you ever had a good feeling towards me? How about those flirting messages we had? You knew how I felt to you. You pushed me away. You ignored me. Finally you stopped chatting with me. And currently, I am just someone you used to talk to. They said stop chasing people who doesn't love you. If they love you, they will, you don't have to try so hard to get them. I am FINE ❤ Just please remember that this person always cares about you from here where you pushed me behind.