It’s alright

I’ve seen a lot of post about suicidal thought and people trying to commit the act. I just want to tell those of you who are struggling out there that “it’s alright”. It’s alright, I’ve been through this before as well. Although I’ve never been that suicidal, the thought of “if my life ends, then many problems and burdens will be solved” did cross my mind. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to get through this phase as I would shut myself inside my room all day and night and on social media during my high school years. There were times I was upset with my parents, of them blaming me, and scolding me for various mundane things that happen in our everyday life. However, I want to tell you that it’s alright to run to your parents and hug them with all you have, they would not mind it even if you guys are currently in an argument. It’s alright to tell your friends and others “I cannot do this anymore. I’m tired and wanna be left alone”. It’s alright to feel overwhelmed and go through this phase, I believe we have gone through this teenage and young adult phase at least once in our lives. I am not telling you that suicide is wrong and you shouldn’t do it, I am trying to say that it should be your very last option. Wallow in your tears, your sadness, your stress, your burdens, your self-pity all you want. Most people blame themselves for not being good enough rather than actually addressing their fears and inhibitions. Perhaps it is easier to ignore all that is happening around you. I am not entertaining nor romanticizing suicidal thought, but if you still cannot find a better option or a better way to live your life, then it is alright to end it.

Feeling bottled up?

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Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

Karma?

តើនេះជាកម្មមែនទេ? មានអ្នកតាមស្រឡាញ់តែមិនព្រមស្នេហ៍ ខ្លួនវិញតាមគេដូចឆ្កែ តែគេទុកដូចសំរាម 🤡

We're just friends...So why lie?

I know you read my messages from your notification. I know that when you claim you were busy, you were actually on your phone scrolling and chatting with your friends in a cafe. When you said you were busy, I know you were playing games or watching a movie. You messaging me is a choice and I messaging you is a duty. You take me for a granted...a friend whom you could rely on in terms of school work. I am that friend whom you could use whenever you feel like you need a female company. I am the friend who is there for you to practice your flirting skills. I am the friend who, after you finish scrolling up and down your newsfeed 5 times, will open the message and decide whether or not u should message back. I am the friend who recieves the message "huh” after 10 hours of trying to ask for help saying "im in pain, there is no one here.” So do not text me five days later that you forgot to check your phone even though I saw you share memes 3 days ago. Do not text an apology and ask about how i felt because i went through hell and you choose to ignore it. Do not look at me with those eyes as if I am the only girl in the world and that no one else matters because clearly I can be on my deathbed right now and you will still decide to check up on me "tomorrow”. Do not share posts about how heartbroken you are when you see me flirt with someone who actually cares about me and do not update me on your activities like we are something when we arent. We're just friends so stop acting like we're lovers and you're the boyfriend giving excuses for ignoring his girlfriend. We're just friends and you are already breaking me apart, taking me for granted, and forcing me up a rollercoaster ride of confusion and pain....imagine how it will be if you are more than a friend.

I slept with my ex boss

On the bed, there were my friend, my ex boss and I. They were kinda drunk and I’m kinda tipsy. We sleep on one bed. He went to the toilet then I kinda wake up as I’m the light sleeper but I can’t wake up cuz the of many shots tequila. He came back to the bed hugging me and laying his hands on my body. Then he started to move his hand and slowly touch me (my hands and my shoulder only). His whole left arm was my boobs while holding my hands so I hold his arm and and place his hand on boobs (he got big hands and I’m fucking weak for that). Not long after that, we got into cuddling position. He put his chin on my shoulder and softly touch my other shoulder then move to my collar bone then my neck. I was uncomfortable as my friend is on right side and he’s on left side and I can’t move but I decided to move and turn my back to him but I still hold his hand and stick to my boobs (I swear I don’t love him, I just like it when something is on my boobs when I sleep). He moved his arm slowly while laying it on me (we still in the cuddling position but this time is spooning). His face behind my back, he keeps moving his face that has newly grow mustache on my flesh. It felt good, really. Then suddenly he let go of me and went back to normal sleeping position (I was like oh shit, why but I think nvm I’ll go back to sleep). A few minutes later he came back, his leg on my body, his arm on my boobs and went back to cuddling position again. He hugged me from behind, his face next to me. (There’s more but I can’t finish it cuz I’m sleepy asf now)

Looking for producer friends<3

Look! I knew how to write a song in both khmer and english. I literally looking for some friends who know how to produce instrumental well and catchy.I have a plan that we could do musics together. I'm male, 16 years old If you have engagements please react love so we can interact!

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I felt inspired by watching the rain through my bedroom’s window with my light off. What if the rain were just like us human when crying? Those droplets were just like our tears. Those rumbled thunder was just like us yelling out for help, and those lighting strikes were like us trying to hurt ourselves. It would be unfair if so. Instead of having friends staying besides to comfort like human, the rain doesn’t. Even worse, people would just run away as fast as they can just to avoid it; they get scared, cover their ears even eyes, and curse when they see or hear it thundering. I am one of them too. I get scared and cover my ears when hearing ones. But now, by sitting in my room and considering it, I feel sorry for it. Imagine having no one to turn to or understand you when you need them, and that’s how the sky feels right now. It has been hiding its pain for so long that it couldn’t hold it back anymore, so it had to let it out by pouring rain on us, hopelessly crying and asking for help. That’s why I sit here in my room looking at you and admire you from afar without you noticing or even knowing that I exist. You are doing a great job. Yes! Let it all out; however, I can’t assure you that there won’t be any day like this again, but one step at a time. Remember all those days that the sun was burning all of the creatures on earth while you were their savior? You gave us rain, shades, and good days to us. We are grateful for that. You know what? Without you raining (crying and getting things out of your chest), the presence of rainbow means nothing at all. Therefore, look at those good things you have done for us to keep you going. #sciencefailed

Is it important that I worth something?

hey there, life has been so much going on right now. The life itself is going downhill to the hell or maybe I misinterpret that. I have been feeling lonely and unimportant after some hardships, breakup, lots of work, study and many more when they all come to my face at the same time. Probably I am stressed out or burnout that makes me feel like that way. Nevertheless, I feel like I am such a useless person, where everyone starts to blame me for everything even the little mistakes I made. I feel so little and just wanna go away from it. Saying those words make me such a self pity person. As day by day, i feel myself just like a smaller and smaller person and feel like s**t somehow. People say you gotta love yourself and have fun all by yourself, but when it comes to everything not going well as expected and everyone starts blaming me for little things, I just…. any advices?

យំ

U know what? I've just cried silently without a specific reason, sounds redicilous, right? Yeah! But it's too painful. I dunno why I usually cry like that, wanna sit alone in a dark place, can't control own self. I feel I'm so useless, I feel empty, feel so complicated!!! What do I want? who am I? Why am I here?