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I don't know why i still love you even you cheated on me. Am i insane?

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2025-08-14

I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.
2025-08-14

#URMYPGB

Idk where to start so, 2018 the new term start and i got to meet her. She changed into my class with her friends. Her group and mine are two different world from eachother. Actually ik her even before she got to know me. We started studying in the same class, and extra classes. I really like her and i really wanna get to know her more. One day i reply her Instagram story and we got to talk. Later on, she replied my story, and here the our conversation started. We've been texting in Instagram for like about a year. We sometimes flex to messenger. I always asked her to send me lesson as an excuse to talk to her. At that time, those conversations were just normal but i was damn happy because i like her so... Her group and mine are still not boning together idk why but prolly idk lol. We were such a good talker in chat but in person lol awkward affff So 2020, COVID. We were still texting intelegram, messenger and Instagram. She always sent me her fav songs, what she watched on YouTube, forward me food or place or meme content from Facebook to messenger, and also send me video and meme, sth cute on Instagram. I did the same too. Ik you prolly can't feel the feeling from reading this but ... Sorry I'm not so good at expressing So here let me continue Idk but tbh covid got us both close to eachother. We talked everyday, she texted me just to tell it time for extra classes, or else send me food. She sometimes went out and when she's back, she always told me about her day tho i don't ask. Tbh i confused. I myself i know i like her, i mean i have feelings for her but what about her? She did like we're sth. Idk how to explain it all here but later on when 2020 about to end, we don't talk anymore, she just went silent on me and i have no clue what to do till now. My friends all know i like her, they also said they bet her group also know about this but no one dares to say. One of my friends said, I'm too obvious whenever it comes to her, she prolly knows but pretend like she doesn't. Hmm but it doesn't matter anymore. Right now i only wish she and i can still be friends. The thing is i only got to see her like 3 to 4 times in this 2021. And the last 2 times, she didn't even talk to me or even look at me. Heartaches lol. I was there like...? You didn't see me? Or what? She has changed... I mean she's not that excited to see me like before. Before whenever she saw me she always comes to me amd hit me as a greeting hut now lol, even my face she didn't even look at. You might wonder what happened between us. Seriously i have no answer cuz I don't even know what's wrong, she just gone silent and ... You won't see this anyway so imma just write it here

2025-08-14

Secondhand embarrassment

Well, I had a feeling for someone who’s I never met in my entire life. But idk I feel wrong at some points cuz I alr confessed to that person. Um, it was actually the most embarrassing moment of my life to reveal what I actually think n rlly want that person to know even tho we’re just strangers. We agreed to be friends by now but it’s feel weird after that stupid confession. I wish I didn’t send that cuz it’s better to be strangers who don’t know each one exists. (Ik its vol n I’m sorry.)
2025-08-14

I’ve never fallen in love

Dating suppose to be people being in love with each other but for me it’s different, i’ve been in multiple relationships and its always just them giving and showing me love and affection while i’ve never actually fallen in love with them. Doesn’t mean that i don’t love them, i do but i don’t feel the spark or the exciting feeling when i’m with them. And i never get jealous maybe it’s because i’m not in love with them that’s why i never feel jealous over anything.

2025-08-14

Before I give up

Well, this confession gonna sound stupid to some of you, yet, I hope I can keep my memory here. I am madly in love with a person I met in middle 2021 but I have never confessed nor shown any signs to him at all for I knew I’m not his type. I first met him through a volunteer platform which help me to spent my awesome six months working together with him. I am hopelessly falling in love knowing that I will never get a response from him. There was a time I gather all my strength and used drunk as an excuse to directly talked to him about how I felt yet before I could even talk, I found out he already has eyes on somebody. Thank to that I did not lose him until today. We barely talked now as our project is already ended - honestly I am still into him but I give up now. I am too hopeless to even think about him so I decided to leave a note here and hope this would find him well or rest well in my memory. Thanks ~
2025-08-14

I'm still sorry! Our fake relationship is impossible to be real...

I know u have feeling on me, but don't know begin when. We both talk like a sweet couple, u call me bby I call u bby too. But u know! Everytime I did I feel embarrassed. Honestly, I'm not sure about that. When u confessed I always pretend not to know and changed our talking topic. Another thing that I can't accept u is bec I clearly don't have feeling on u. Everytime I think about u but never seen u. Maybe I still love #R, cuz he always exist in my dream when I think about u. I'm still thinking and asked myself " what should I do?? ". Now I got the answer, maybe I should let u go n end up our fake relationship. I'm sorry! I never want to hurt u. Maybe someone waiting for u, so let begin with her not me. #P

2025-08-14

To the friend that I’ve lost #L

Funny isn’t it ? I thought were supposed to work on our problems. and stay friends forever? people say you’re toxic and such but i still defend and stay by your side . I’ve done bad things in the past but I’ve let it go and learned my mistake and I was hoping you’d do the same. I’d never knew you’d give up on us so easily. I’ve always put friendship above relationship cuz i know i can move on from guys i dated but not the friends that i’ve shared memories with. It’s okay na, I forgave you, live well and be happy na, I’ll be supporting you and cherished the friendship we had. Stay happy and healthy, I won’t be there to see it but i hope you achieved your dream<3

2025-08-14

Do broken people deserve love?

I went over to a camping trip sometimes ago and I felt in love with this one girl. We still meet each other sometimes. She was spectacular, the most amazing person I've ever known. She was compassionate, kind and understood me more than anybody ever did. She has shaken the my wall I've built up to never love anyone too much so I can never hurt. I want our relationship to develop further but I'm not sure about myself. I'm just a broken person, depressed, wasted. I don't want to fix this issue by having another person to fix me because that's not the right way to do. Any advices?