I know u might hate me now and don't even want to be friends with me but I'm here silently in love with you and willing to wait for you forever. I'm praying for your happiness and success and I hope you meet the right person that can make you happier than I do and if you need someone feel free to talk to me bcoz I'm always available for u.š Dear my ICEš
Hi. I never heard this feeling before. This is not about love. Iām talking about my life situation right now as a grade 12 student. I have nothing to say but this year got my life fucked. Letās write a message to our Prime minister. LOL Good luck to students grade 12! I want auto pass too.
This is a story of mine. A story that I donāt tell anyone and never plan to but itās been making me feel so heavy so, I decide to confess it here. Iām a mentally ill person, since i was a kid (itās a long long story). I didnāt get enough love and affection as i was a kid so since I became a teenager, i attach to people who give me affection easily. Long ago, i knew a man on internet. We started texting with each other until we fell in love. He was a really good guy. He loved me, always cared about me, checked up on me, helped me with everything, he was literally perfect plus heās a good looking person, he was a man in every womenās dream. He didnāt know about my mental state until we dated and it turned out he was also mentally ill, but my condition is worse than him. But things went so smooth, our relationship was super healthy and we were so deeply in love. After weāve been together for 1 year, thing started to happen, he started asking me to show him my body. I refused but heād said I didnāt trust him or anything. So i showed him with the condition that there wonāt be a second time and he agreed. A few days later he asked me again, he convinced me and if I refused, heād get upset after that. Thing went repeatedly. He asked me again and again and thereās no the end of it. I loved him too much but doing something like that really made me feel so wrong and disgusted myself. I didnāt want our relationship to fall apart so i did as he told me to (i was stupid). Little did he know, i cried every time after showing him my body. A few months later, i felt like I couldnāt keep it going and going repeatedly like that anymore and i felt so wrong especially i felt like iām a bad daughter and howād my mom feel if she know that her daughter do something like that in such a young age. That night, he requested me again but then I refused and i told him iām not gonna do it anymore, iāve done enough and I felt so wrong about it. But then he started forcing me. I started to cry but he didnāt change his mind and he promised it will be the last time. I was dumb enough to believe that so i showed him again while i was crying and mad at him. After he felt satisfied, he started to cry, he felt sorry for me and he said I couldnāt control his mind and it was so hard for him. After a month, i guess, he started to request me again and when i refused he always get upset and acted cold to me. I loved him so so much, i was afraid that our relationship was gonna fall apart so i do as he said but that time, he convinced me to masturbate myself. I did everything that he told me to. After one year and half of our relationship, the distance was started to grow between as. I was not a good girlfriend to him, being with a mentally ill person like me is so draining and he also had so much things to deal with, he was also suffering and he still tried to help me and comfort me. I fell into a deep depression that I started to think about committing suicide again. But then, we broke up for some complicate reasons that I canāt even understand. I was so attached to him, i did everything just for him to come back, I begged him and I couldnāt eat or do anything, i just cried and kept calling him over and over even he didnāt pick up. But at night, he picked up but we didnāt talk much since i only called him so i can ask him to be back. Until one night, he said he was still in love with me but i need to be strong, when I become strong, he will comeback, I believed him. We called for a few minutes for a few nights but during our call he always asked me to show him my body and masturbate myself. I thought doing it would make him stay and love me, i was so dumb that I sacrificed and gave him everything just to make him stay. A few days later, I felt like he doesnāt love me anymore because he was so fine, he didnāt care whether iām okay or not, if i eat, if i cry, he didnāt care about me, he was just living his life normally. He ignored my texted and didnāt pick up my call the whole day until night time, he picked up and asked me to do thing as I mentioned above. One night, i asked him if he was still in love with me because his action showed that he was already fell out of love. āI donāt have any feelings for you since the day we broke up, i was just feel pity for you and afraid you were gonna do something harmful to yourselfā, he responded. It really hurt my feelings, it was like someone stabbed me in the chest, I started to cry so hard and all he could say was sorry. I was literally so so depressed, i still texted him and called him after he said that to me (i was so thaok) but he didnāt respond or pick up. After a few weeks I started activating my social media account and acted like I got over it (I didnāt get any better actually). He texted me, i was less sad and asked him to fix thing but he refused again. Things kept happening until a month or 2 months (I forgot) I decided to stop asking to come back since he got a new gf already but i was still in love with him and think about him 24/7. And now, i still canāt get over him and i canāt bring myself to hate him either because he was so good to me even though he did hurt my feelings but he treated me like i was something special and a really important person to him. The only person i hate right now is myself. I hate myself so much, iām so disgusting and i think I deserved everything that happened to me. Everything that happened in the past is haunting me, the more i get reminded of it, the more i hate myself. Even though i tried to get over it, to forget it, to start working on myself, to heal myself but none of it work. They say time will heal but actually, it doesnāt. I act like i moved on and happy because I donāt want my family and friends to worry about me. Theyāve been helping me a lot and i really appreciate it but it couldnāt help me somehow. Itās all my faults, I know people will hate me if they know about this but what can i do to be forgiven. But how can i be forgiven by people when i canāt even forgive myselfā¦
I canāt deny anymore that I still love him although we broke up for 8 years already, but heās still the one. Anyway I donāt have gut to tell him how my feel is since weāre now became friends and I donāt want this friendship broken again! But I want him back is there anything that I should give him the hint that I still into him with all these years?
We been together almost 2 years. Everything went well until you adjusted yourself to someone else that I donāt know. I hate me for being annoying to get your attention, to get your caring and love. I hate me that I always want to meet you. I hate me that I canāt let you go even tho you ask to leave more than 10 times and I still asking you to stay.
Yeah well admin is also using this page because stuff be that messed up sometimes. Religiously speaking, you do good, you get good. You do bad, you get bad. And that's karma. I'm not that religious myself but some theories do stay. When I do good, I don't expect anything back. But when I know I did something bad, I always expected that it will happen back to me one day. Right now, I don't know, I feel empty, I feel heartbrokened. Yeah allowing myself to feel those things, I put myself at fault, only I am to blame. But like the title says: Heartbreak's a karma. I'm not pretty, I dont have much admirers in high school so I'm not used to people liking me. So when I encounter someone who does, I used to just accept their love and learn to love them afterwards because I guess that is what happens when you are desperate. But now I dont do that anymore, I meet so much people nowadays so high school was a small world, a small sea with a few fish. I raised my standards, I told myself to only get in a relationship if i genuinely get attached when we were talking, I need to like someone before getting into a relationship. I wont ever get into a relationship and then learn to like them afterwards, never again. Unexpectedly I found that someone. I raised my standards and I raised my guards but in the end I still caught feelings alone. Again, I'm not pretty. But people confessed, people tried flirting. They were good people, they put in so much efforts yet I already liked someone else so rejection was the only way out; I tried ignoring the texts, replied the texts after a long time, and with all these indirect rejections, sometimes I still had to come down to a direct one where I said no. Being rejected hurts, I know it hurts because I've been through it too so I dont like rejecting people; I dont want to hurt you because I know what it's like to be hurt. So please, dont fall for me, dont try to love me, dont like me more than a friend. Every heartbreak, every sorrow Im feeling, I blame myself, I blame myself because i did that to you too, and the pain found its way back. Besides of the guilt of rejecting people, I'm hard to love, I'm incapable of being happy, there are so much more people out there who deserve your love, your efforts, but not me. Furthermore, when I like someone, I do it with all my heart and that's not something that is easy to pull out from so you're probably too late regarding the speed of how fast I fall for someone. My life, my emotions, how I function are so messed up like that. I wouldn't want you to be messed up trying to adapt with me.
Please approve cf title: what if?
It comes again...that thought and why its keep whisper in my ear and keeping running in my brain telling me i should die so everything will be fine? Why is it me? Why am i being like this?
Why don't you just say it if you no longer want to talk. It hurts me but Itās probably easier for either of us and you have to leave me alone and waiting for your replies for hours or even days. Itās so exhausted to question my own worth. Just spill it out and letās move on.