A normal man
I tired of everything now. I always try my best to be perfect and accepted by everyone. But now I just tired and don't want to do anything.
Mak I’m sorry for my existence.I know I’m stupid ,useless ,and selfish. she always said that i only know how to dress up but never being helpful in the family. Everyday I study, I help her with the business , I drive around like crazy when she need helps. After school I look after all the kids inside the family, I help my aunt pick her kid up from school, I drive them to playground, I barely got time for myself. I always help her when I got time but at this point she still said that I’m useless ,do nothing but being lazy, know nothing stupid as always. I never even do make up , and she said I only know how to dress up.she used to ask me what grade I got I said I got A, maybe a week later she said that if you don’t want to study anymore just quit school alr without any reason. Bro my heart dropped,my mind stop I got no word to reply. All I can do is cried myself to sleep.
I tired of everything now. I always try my best to be perfect and accepted by everyone. But now I just tired and don't want to do anything.
From someone you didn’t talk to anymore. It’s been almost 3 years since we met each other in China . Everything went smoothly for us until we got back to our home country. You started to change all of your attitude toward me, the text became emotionless as cold ice. Anything reminds me of you even your favorite drink, favorite dessert, favorite food and all the things we used to do together. Have you ever thought about how we spend there ? How we talked? How we explore the Chinese food ? How I walked you to your school gate ? Have you ever missed me even once? Did anything remind me of you? #KNT01.
I heard people said "when u are a girl and u're strong is hard for a man to catch u up. Because when u sad or depress and in a hard situation u never need ur man to comfort u cause u can deal it on ur own. That will make up think u are strong enough to deal with ur proplem and he is too useless and starting to distance himself from u cause he think u are to high like a star for him to catch and he to weak, not a man who u deserve". I think they are right. I had been in 3relatio ahips now. The reason of my break up are I am to strong and i never show my weakness and even not talk about my things to my man, so they broke up with me. They never knew i am living a misirible life. I had all kind of pain and trying really hard each day until everything become a habbit. The pain can hurt me anymore.
It's not my wish but I gotta let go cuz I'm not as great as I was before I wannna see you smile not feeling like a bored and I'm sure I'm not capable of doing that anymore. #LM
How are you doing ? I hope you are doing fine, but I know for sure you’re not. Stop texting you doesn’t mean I stop Loving you. It’s just because I still care for you. I still cant get used to living without you since you’ve left. However, I am dying inside to see you are suffering from your own thoughts and my annoying texts asking for you to be back. I dont want to see you in pain. You are too valuable to me. I Love you and I still do. I will always be the one who is rooting for your well-being and success. I MISS YOU EVERYDAY and will always be here waiting for you, my dearest PetPet. I’m still waiting for the miracle to happen. PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF ........
Remember when we used to say we will meet? Remember when you said you were so eager to meet me? Remember how we were happily discussed about this so call date and plan it all out perfectly? Remember how you and I both had our hands on our first date gift for each other? I still had those photos of our gifts which we had sent to one another. But now, where was it? Where had it gone to? Where are you? Just how cruel are you leaving me all alone in this world before we could ever meet. Just…why? Why did you have to leave so soon? It’s been 1 year and a half since you’re gone from this world. May your beautiful soul be at ease. You are the most beautiful human I ever meet.
I’ve seen a lot of post about suicidal thought and people trying to commit the act. I just want to tell those of you who are struggling out there that “it’s alright”. It’s alright, I’ve been through this before as well. Although I’ve never been that suicidal, the thought of “if my life ends, then many problems and burdens will be solved” did cross my mind. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to get through this phase as I would shut myself inside my room all day and night and on social media during my high school years. There were times I was upset with my parents, of them blaming me, and scolding me for various mundane things that happen in our everyday life. However, I want to tell you that it’s alright to run to your parents and hug them with all you have, they would not mind it even if you guys are currently in an argument. It’s alright to tell your friends and others “I cannot do this anymore. I’m tired and wanna be left alone”. It’s alright to feel overwhelmed and go through this phase, I believe we have gone through this teenage and young adult phase at least once in our lives. I am not telling you that suicide is wrong and you shouldn’t do it, I am trying to say that it should be your very last option. Wallow in your tears, your sadness, your stress, your burdens, your self-pity all you want. Most people blame themselves for not being good enough rather than actually addressing their fears and inhibitions. Perhaps it is easier to ignore all that is happening around you. I am not entertaining nor romanticizing suicidal thought, but if you still cannot find a better option or a better way to live your life, then it is alright to end it.
Now, I understand what is mean BFF. Since from 2019-2021, I had 2 friends ( Girls ) as my BFF . I love them as the persons that I can share every story with them and trust them that they not gonna tell to other peoples. Back to 2019-2021 , we are really close to each other. We went out to eat something, we call on phone tigger , talk about our problem , listen to each other . It seem like we are really Love each other. You know I put two of them as my beloved one . I always think them first . I want to make their birthday special. And I thought, they will love me as I love them. Because my action never change for someone that I love and call them BFF . BUT since 2022 , both of them are far away from me . We are not close friends as before . I don’t know why , why they do that action to me back . I really sad , mad , cry and hurt because of their action. I really unexpected 🙂. + For Person A : From 2019-2021, all the time I chatted to her, she always replayed me on time or late just around 1h -2h -3h or more than 4-5h . But since from 2022 when I chatted to her , she replied me in 1-2 days . Sometimes in 20h . Sometimes in 10h . She so changed. All the time I asked her to go out with me eat something. She always busy. First I thought that , maybe right now she are more busy with her study in university. But her action keep doing again and hsuan until today . I thought that she is my BFF . But right no . Because she never asked or chatted to me go to eat out . But she can go with other friends. Yessss , she have new friends. So their New fri is important than me so far . I chatted to her ask her to go out 20 times . She never chatted to me and me to go out even 1 times . I am the one who chat to her , because I want to keep in touch and our relationship friend forever. But her action it seem like she so cool that everyone like her , be good with her and always get good luck and gift from other people . And right now when end conversations or though that chat is not important. They just read my notifications messenger and not seen my chat till I chatted to them again . Your action so Perfect my friend. + For Person B : she also the same as person A . Since 2022 , she never read all my chat and seen my chat . But she can post story and share news or status on FB . But she couldn’t reply my chat or seen my chat since our conversation is not really end . I don’t that she totally forgot or she totally busy so much . But at least you have a Icon on app that show you which your chat you haven’t seen . I don’t know what she think who am I . Her action so me that I am not important friend anymore, because she have many friends that care and stay with her all the times . I am her BFF nearly 7-8 year but she never post a story with me or tag me . Sometimes she never mention from me when I tags her . But she can post story with her new fri in university. She can mention her friend when they tag her . But she never did that with me . So This is how we call BFF ? . Dear to my both Friends. That for teach me how to understand words BFF and thank for let me show how good and bad you are with me . You didn’t respect with and see how I love both of you . I hope you enjoy with your new friends and have a good relationship till last . #thanktotheownerofpageknongjitforleTmesharemystoryThathurtmesomuchfrommyBFF😃. #thankbeforehandadmidforpostthis.