Undeserved of Love

I was made to believe. I underserved of love - both from others and myself. 22 and never date not even once. I never understand the feeling of having another human soul connected to me cause whenever I feel good with someone, a part of me always whisper to my ear “you pieces of shit and don’t deserve anybody’s love. How can a loser fall in love? Don’t you ever see urself in the mirror? How ugly u are? How dump u are? How helpless u are?” These questions always keep repeating day and night until now I started to believe I underserved of love both from others and myself. :)

Feeling bottled up?

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suicide is a solution?

i feel so desperate. everything around me makes me felt unloving and insecure. im begging for love rn. my family isn’t all sunshine and rainbows it’s feel like im living in hell. everyone around me shame me accused me for what i haven’t done. my dad said that he would just kill me then walk into jail cuz he’s disappointed for having a child like me. once my mother said just go die she’ll just be sad for a couple of weeks then she’ll be fine. its hard to take in and ik ppl may have gone through the same but its really hurtful. i also thought maybe i just live for one person and thats my gf but everyday i felt like i was begging her to love me i try try so much. i loved one person enough for them not to love me back. i failed as a son, as a boyfriend, as a person in overall. when will they realize or will they ever see my worth? should i commit suicide? help me im so trapped there’s more im just giving a glimpse of my suffering:>

5Year

៥ឆ្នាំដែលស្គាល់អូន ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងឈឺចាប់ 5ឆ្នាំដែលបងហត់នឿយ ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងលះបង់ 5ឆ្នាំដេលបងពិបាក ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងបានបាត់បងអ្វីៗគ្រប់យ៉ាង ៥ឆ្នាំនៃសុបិន្តអាក្រក់ តែ5ឆ្នាំនេះ បងនៅតែស្រលាញ់អូន

Karma?

តើនេះជាកម្មមែនទេ? មានអ្នកតាមស្រឡាញ់តែមិនព្រមស្នេហ៍ ខ្លួនវិញតាមគេដូចឆ្កែ តែគេទុកដូចសំរាម 🤡

Doubt

Girl! You do experience and have a long lasting realtionship but how could you do this to me? Remember when there is stranger who try to talk to your man. You act up and blow it on social media about how disspoainted, sad, anger and how much you hate or dislike girl who behave like this. Then how should i react? When it is just a one time meeting but you try to stick around, try to fit in to the circle. I know it is just about friendliness, you have it toward me too. However, I got driven away and you got a place to stand. Not just a place you found one for your friend too. That is how I got repalced. I don’t know how to feel or react. How could I being treated like this? And You too girl! I do know love can’t be forced but I can’t make myself believe that you are not related in this. Even if it was just a one time gather but you sure know the history of me and that person. Then why do you still let one of your ally in? Standing in my place? I mean if there is no you or just don’t be too friendly or just stay in your circle maybe thing won’t turn out like this. I just feel so stupid or maybe I am one. That why even after you saw me, knew everything you still find a place for her because I am just something that is already thrown away anyway and that space is empty so it got to have a replacement? I mean don’t you understand what attachment is? Or am I a narrow minded who still dwell about the past? What if you were me can you stand and watch calmly without anxious, curiosity and wonder how could it happen if you are not between it? But I am happy for you. You don’t have to imagine yourself in this situation because you got a good person by your side! Still how could you take my good person for your alliance? I felt so insecure, regret of open up and afraid of getting to know new people. But maybe I shouldn’t feel like that anymore becuase now I got nothing else to lose.

Unpopular OPINIONS

Am I being third wheel again? I ask myself. I still can’t move on and you’ve been in a healthy relationship. Why did you ask me to be your best friend after all these times? Why did I even agree with this? You said you love me and I’m the best person, ur soulmate but why did you break up with me and ask me to be your best friend instead? I know it’s been along time and why did you text and call me when you feel so down ( u told me because I am the only person who u feel comfort to)?? While you were in a relationship with someone else? I won’t deny it, I always love you and I feel so wrong. All my friends said how stupid I am and one day I will meet someone else who will hold my hand till the end of my life , I try to move on and believe that. I wish you could feel open with ur current gf tell her everything you’ve been through I’m sure she would understand you way better then me. To myself also I wish I can leave you behind and I don’t think we can be friends because I still have some feelings for you, trust me I will try my best for letting you go. Wish you the best ✨ To : mysoulmatewhoicanbewith

One last chance

If you ask me, it breaks me in million of pieces trying to say " No, it's the end between us." I badly wish you were the right one, who came in the right time. But being in a relationship with you really make doubt if it was not a mistake. It's silly, but it has be admitted that loving you each and every cost the loss of myself. I have felt the loss and miserable self for a long time ago before I finally asked for closure. Tbh, loving didn't make me feel exited to discuss about our future at all. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to figure how to detach myself from you. I questioned how can I unlove you. The only thing I felt was falling for you too deep that I still wanted your love while knowing I was being ignored and mistreated for many times. I was trying my best to fight with my heart, and let the love go. I did give you chances, too. But you ruined them yourself. You came and ask for the last one??? No, darling. NOT AGAIN. You know when you go against your conscientiousness, ego, pride to admit that you should have said "I will try to change for you." on the night be broke up, I went through sadness again. Why? I have to keep my answer unchanged even though I badly want to be in love with you. I was afraid to love you again, to lose myself again, to know that hurt me again, and still love you. I was so scared. What if I started to never recognise my worth, and blindly love you again? What if it happened again? I don't know if I could save myself one more time if I let you in my life for the last time. I wish you know how to love me. Just a little bit more. That could have been enough for us... I'm sorry! But you're late to do so.

At least we look at the same moon 🌒

We used to be best buddies but look at us now, we are stranger with unforgettable memories. You are now starting a new life with new people but me, myself and I still struggling with the pain you gave:) the love you gave, the things you gave, how much i’ve suffered because of you I'll count it as memorable moments I was with you❤️ We shared things tgt. We enjoyed a day tgt but at the end it’s only stupid me who’s waiting for you to comeback even though I know you’ll never comeback, I'm still praying for you from the darkest place you couldn’t see. You were my enchanté 💟

Living a quiet life in a loud world

I think the older I get, the more comfortable I’m getting with me being on my own. Most of the time I spend time with the same people. It’s not like I don’t like getting to know new people, at all actually, but I think I just don’t want people to be disappointed once they really get to know me, because I think to most people, my life would look pretty boring to be honest.