I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Even though it was very clear at a young age to me that mommy and daddy absolutely hated each other’s guts and only got married in the first place cause of my birth, they refused to divorce. “Staying together for the kids” is the absolute worst thing you can do to a child. Mom and dad, What did I do wrong?? my existence??? [newLine*]Personally, it effected my general self esteem and the way I formed and behaved in relationships for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD, (yess PTSD) as growing up in a house that was literally a battlefield. I always blaming myself for being existing. I thought my family was normal. It wasn’t until i turned 15 when I had friends whom I would go visit and then I started seeing something completely different. My friends had normal parents. Before that, I thought a dysfunctional family was normal. I still suffer from anxiety to this day and self-esteem. My problems are a constant fear of getting too close to people, including friends. As I grew older I became more quiet. It’s effected my relationships and friendships to a point where I end up pushing people away. I like being alone where there’s complete silence and nothing can bother me. I think I came to this point due to growing up in my parents house and constantly hearing them scream at each other, doors slamming. My self-esteem problems are mostly from being ignored and neglected through out my early life. My parents whose were never involved with anything of my childhood despite us living in the same household. The cause of their arguments has always been about me, and still is to this day. My dad came home from work and fighting with my mom because of me, it became worse with age. I feel embarrassed or ashamed to even talk about this with my close friends. My family was of the type that everything happened behind closed doors and out in public. If I had friends come over, they became entirely different people in front of my friends. They could actually act right and tolerate each other when they had company- (why the hell can’t you be normal like that all the time?) For this reason, I never opened up and told my friends what happened in our house cause I feared they’d never believe me. It wasn’t until my early adult years, I finally opened up and started telling my friends what really going on at home but some of them told me that no matter what it is, they’re still my parents and they loves me but they don't seem to loves me nor even care about my feelings except for their own. I always want to get away from them and living my life without them. Sometimes when I opened up about it not because I want empathy nor attention but I just need someone who listen to me, listen to me without judging me. Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate my friends and understand that they’re just trying their best to comfort me.
I miss the days that I drove you home, miss having you by my side, cuddling, as well as the long journey we had shared. It’s sad having to accept the fact that one of us had to part from each other’s in order for things to work out. You were a gf, best friend, and a mom. From someone once was your Antman 😔
Idk how to describe my feeling right now. You know what you always stuck in my head and heart even when you're gone. What i want to say and ask: - It’s my fault that i rejected you ( At that time , i think be friend is more forever than relationship even i have feelings for you) - I regretted about my decision - I always here for you no matter what and keep waiting you @ Am I your stranger now? Can you guys help me by sharing this post? I really want him to see it. _Seeing you happy is already my happiness_
Your last text! Hi I have something to say.... I want to make something clear about something that I assume we both know.... i saw your video and i am pretty sure that I am the one who cause you to become like this... i am so sorry if the action that i express may lead to your wrong interpretation, that on my side. I want to make things clear as soon as I realize you don't think me just a friend, however it might ruin our friendship which i am not looking forward to.... you are a great person you deserve someone that truly for you, you don't need to wish that you were others.. you are great the way you are. You might not meet the one yet. But for a person like you, you deserve this whole world and someone that you truly deserve. I felt really guilty to be honest that we came to this point that you are suffering, effecting you mentally which I have never intended to..., i should have told you earlier than this... sorry but we could be no more than friends. If you don't mind I would be prefer if we remain just like before. I can not stand to see someone suffering because of me. this might hurt now but hopes it fade away as time goes by. Hope you understand and i hope i made things clear for both of our sides. Thank you for being the best supporter, helper, friends and adviser.
I would say that I’m a well reserved kid and always think it through before I take action. I’ve always thought that I’m strong enough to deal with all the problem. I’ve always thought that I am not jealous of anything or anyone around me. But, I realize I do care. I’m jealous that other family is having fun with their children. I’m jealous that their parents are always be there and give them the support. I’m jealous that others don’t have to deal with mental pressure. I’m jealous that things have never been well no matter how hard I try to fix. When will this end? I’m tired…..
Been a long time since we spoke.y But one day, you texted me then you acted like you don't wanna talk to me. I just don't get it, why and what do you want? Have you ever wanted to talk to me? I trynna tell myself not to be upset but I still did. At the end of the day, you still did like you used to.
fri: heyy! He left, why u still waiting for him Me: coz you only need the light when it’s burning low_ only miss the sun when it start to snow_ only u love him when u let him go. I really miss him so bad and I’m still here waiting u. គេទៅបាត់ទើបស្តាយក្រោយ😢😭 #2016 #English School #Province
បើអាចត្រលប់ពេលមកក្រោយម្ដងទៀត ខ្ញុំនឹងមិនបោះបង់អ្នកទេ គ្រប់យ៉ាងអ្នកធ្វើដាក់ខ្ញុំ ល្អណាស់ ដែលមិនធ្លាប់មាននរណា ម្នាក់ធ្វើបែបនឹងពីមុនមក ខ្ញុំសប្បាយគ្រប់ពេលនៅជាមួយអ្នក ត្រេកអរនៅពេលឃើញសារ និង notification អ្នកលោតមកលើអេក្រង់ទូរស័ព្ទខ្ញុំ ខ្ញុំសប្បាយចិត្តនៅពេលឃើញអ្នកបារម្ភ និងលើកទឹកចិត្តខ្ញុំពេលពិបាកចិត្តម្ដងៗ ចំណែកខ្ញុំវិញ មិនបានធ្វើអ្វីអោយអ្នកសូម្បីបន្តិច អាចថា ខ្ញុំងាយទុកចិត្តមនុស្សក៏បាន តែ អ្នកពិតជាល្អណាស់ ហើយខ្ញុំបែរជាល្ងង់បោះបង់អ្នក ដើម្បីមនុស្សម្នាក់ ដឹងថា ឥឡូវមិនអាចដូចមុន តែខ្ញុំក៏នៅតែចង់ប៉ះប៉ូវនូវទង្វើគ្រប់យ៉ាងដែលអ្នកធ្វើដាក់ខ្ញុំ 🙂♥️
I can’t deny anymore that I still love him although we broke up for 8 years already, but he’s still the one. Anyway I don’t have gut to tell him how my feel is since we’re now became friends and I don’t want this friendship broken again! But I want him back is there anything that I should give him the hint that I still into him with all these years?