As we fall apart.

Stranger again…

Typing on your keyboard while working, you were so focused. You are the type of guy that does not talk unless there is something important to be talked about, which was why we rarely talked until there was something either you or I needed help of. Later, everything changed because one thing led to another and we became so close. We started to share our daily lives activities, and you always found something that we both enjoyed talking to one another. It got to the point that it was very difficult to go through a day without talking to you. It had become a habit of ours to have daily conversation about this and that. No one knew that we were that close since we were so good at hiding it from others, but I knew that deep down in my heart, I already fell for you. You were a guy who did everything I look for in a boyfriend. You made me felt like that there were still nice guys in this world even though we were just friends. Every morning when I woke up, I was always excited to start my day as I would be able to see your face. I could not help but kept looking at you from time to time, and sometimes I caught you did the same to me too. One day, you confessed that you had feeling for me and wished that we could be more than just friends. You just made a girl very happy. I could not stop smiling seeing that message of yours. My heart was pumping hard and my hands were shaking. However, I did not know how to reply besides saying ‘I am sorry but it is not possible’. The feeling of wanting it so much but could not get it was like having a knife stabbed in my chest. We both knew why it could never happen. You gave it a try hoping that I would say yes but I could never do it knowing that it could hurt someone. A part of me wish that you never said those words so that we could keep pretending that we did not have feeling for each other and still could communicate with one another as usual. We were like characters in a novel who could never have a happy ending together. A chapter of my life with you in it was the best and at the same time the most painful. We met, we talked, we became close, and then we became strangers again. It was like nothing had ever happened between us.

2025-08-14

To my first love

I believe the first love is always the best feeling you have ever felt in your youth memories either it ends well or bad. Believe it or not, my first love experience has still hunted me until today. As of today, I still stuck seeing his rounded face facing with sunlight in my eyes and his soft voice in my both ears. Ever since I met him in high school, my life has changed completely. People said love is blind and I absolutely agree with that. Everyone was invisible to me whenever he showed up. I would lose my word whenever we started the conversation. My heart beated crazily when he came close to my body. My face would turn red in seconds when he called me by my name or oun eng. However, I was not the only one who wanted this man to be in my life, he was an apple in every girls’ eyes back to that year. His friendliness, caring, kindness, helpfulness, and bright smile make him had everyone attention. Thankfully, due to the class arrangement I got a chance to share a table with him for two wonderful years. Within that years, I witnessed the girls who tried to win his heart yet, he turned them all down. I had no answer to why he turned everyone down but I was so happy that I still have chance. Ever since we started studying together, I push myself to study harder and harder because he was one of an outstanding student and I was hoping that if I did well in my academic I would be noticed by him someday (the stupid me😂). I would never talk to him first until he started the conversation (I was shy 🙈) and our topic would be only about the academic. Thank to him even he noticed I felt uncomfortable with him around, he still tried his very best to make me felt better and help me out with our team work. He would tag me along to the part-time school and even brought me snack. There was a time that it was raining like dog and cat and he decided to owed me his jacket so I would still felt warm on my way back home. Yet, he was this good to everyone not only me that time and the only reason I was able to be treated spacial because I was his deskmate. Everything went too well that make me hopelessly falling deeper and deeper day to day. But because it went to well, I did not dare to confess because if I was turning down that time I would completely lose him and would have no another chance share some priceless like that moment. So I did my best in my study to be bold to him and would try to hide my feelings from him and even avoided seeing him sometimes. This was killing me yet also saving me from losing this man as well. Months went by and here come bacll time ( it was tough in 2017), we both were trying so hard and promise to do our best. With my effort, school and family support, also his mentally and academically support, I did it. I at least got a B while he had himself an A. I was so happy for him and it was the first time we share a hug and he put his hand on my head and should said ‘You ឯង ពូកែណាស់‘. That was a moment that I am proud of myself the most. Even I couldn’t accompany him to the award ceremony but I felt enough. I was now told by my 4years crush that I did great and even shared a happy moment with him. After bacll, we still chatted and discussed what should we do next and it was when I realized I cannot just run after him all the time I should also find my own goal and purpose. So he went for a university abroad and I registered for a local university and it’s also when we started fading away. As of today, we are now graduated and doing our dream job. We met serveral times this recent years. I am so happy to share my high memories with him and to have him as my first love even it was only me who in love. Thank to him and his support for me to become who I am today. As of today I am still regretting not able to confess my love to him back then and if I could turn back time I hope I least heard a bold yes or no from him, honestly. Even if this love was silly but I did feel love and it all ends well, thank 🤍. And of course I hope you would come across this message someday. Thank you for your memories. And guess what I already found my Mr. Right and even if he was not my first he will be the only one who going to walk me on the aisle after my father. I am now getting married to someone I love and I am sure he love me harder. Thank you my first love and you will be one of my best memories even after my wedding day. Thank for everything 🤍

How we end it

You were so easy to read because how you treat me is how you feel about me. From the very beginning to the very end, I never ask to reassure anything because you were always the one to show the efforts of keeping me. But now that I don’t receive that energy and efforts anymore, I kinda know that it’s the right time we both end it.

My Beloved Stranger

Destiny has allowed me to meet a person who has taken a special place in my heart and has affected my life in some profound way. Being an introvert, it's so unusual of me to chat with other people. But for this person, I've tried. We chat for a month and I must admit, his company is way better than my solitude it doesn't exhaust me. Tgt, we share stories and updates about each other until late nights. There was no dull moment with him as he was so jolly and funny to talk with. He brings out the best of me as he make me smile and make me happy effortlessly. I must admit, he's the epitome of the man I've been praying for. But sadly, we separated ways and we decided to be stranger again. Everything that's good about us has just eventually ended. He has never shoot me a message anymore, and as to his reason, I still have no apparent clue. My life since then became pure dull and mundane. But up until this moment, two months has gone by, a part of me still longs for him;ther's a void in me that only he can fill: my heart still hopes that someday, he'd message me again. The memories that we had still made me smile even the littlest of things. And I'd love to have that kind of feeling once again; the excitement, the throbbing of my heart when receiving messages from him before. "IMY" if only you know, sadly I couldn't tell you this. letting you know that I've fallen once is enough. I'm just right here, waiting, and will always be. If you don't know how to come back, just send me a song. In God's perfect time, Hope we will meet again and start over again. #From P to P

Last night was a blur. -M

The heart beat i felt in my dream last night it feel so real. Like it was too good to be true. I know i ain't gonna experience it with u irl. But at least if the multiverse actually exist i know one of my alternate self is having good time with u.

You were sunset and I was a sunrise, we were both chasing a different sky

Day by day, month by month, we slowly drifting away from each other. It's funny that we used to share everything with each other and solving our problem together without any hard feeling. Now that we both have our own responsibility and our own life to live, we completely turning back to one another. I still remember the day that we both promise each other to always stay by each other side but not anymore because when i look back, it's just me myself and i. I don't blamed you for giving up on us and on me but let's not do promising again because it's leaving a big scar on me. You said you want everything to be perfect and i am trying to be one of it but i never know my best wouldn't be up to ur standards. There's alot of things i wanna tell you but i couldn't type a single text even " Hey ". Now that we're not together anymore, i just want to wish you happiness and goodluck on your journey. It was enchanting to meet you 🤍

He’s the one that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.

I fell in love with him three years ago and until now. I secretly admire him from afar, i love him since he had no girlfriend until he had a girlfriend and broke up again. I ignored so many people for him but look at me, i’m single:) i really wanna confess my feelings but what if he rejects me? Cus i swear i always put my pride first, plus i’m so picky and i’ve always rejected people who have a crush on me, Call me stupid but I reject 5 guy becus of him, yet he knows nth. I just found out recently that he has a girlfriend for almost a month, but that’s ok. i’m willing to wait again, i won’t mess with their relationship.. i’ll love him in silence. Whatever, seeing him everyday at school is enough, even if we don’t talk with each other, sharing a small daily life with him is my greatest joy. My question is, should i confess to him at the end of the year? Cus, this is our last year as a high school student, it wouldn’t hurt if he rejected me cus we probably never met again. *i’m crying

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