A piece of you

I'm scared because if no one makes me feel the way you did. but I'll be ok for a few days but then it hits me, I stop functioning and everything falls apart again. What hurts is that we never really said goodbye. We just kind of ended. And I'm afraid I'll miss you forever. But then again, you didn't say goodbye, and a part of me believes that means you're coming back.

Feeling bottled up?

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What's the next move?

I met a girl, let's called her M, we date for almost 2 years but we are not in a relationship. We took like 2 or 3 breaks during the time that we talk. And we decided to broke up 2 weeks before we hit 2 years, but we still talk as a friend because before that we aren't even in a committed relationship too. M has a lot of friends even a lot of people want her too because she's a good girl, she's friendly, and she's gorgeous. And I know there's no chance of getting back together because she's talking to a guy that made me completely insecure, they were very close since before we broke up. He's close to her than I am now. I want to meet her but she always denies and she always goes out with that dude and her friends ship her with him too. And now I am seeing another girl which happens to be one of her friends too but they're not that close, So now what should I do should I stay away from her friends or should I or ask her out?? What are the consequences of dating her? what could happen next? what should I do? We went to the same Uni

Am I that “not important”?

We’ve known each other for quite some times now. It’s no surprise to say we’re more than friends. We share secrets that we once promised ourselves to never disclose it ever, we rode to places together, we’ve gone to see the movies together, we hugged each other when we slept together (nothing sexual lmao just sleep), and there are tons of things that we have done together which to me are memorable. But I slowly came to realize that I am not that important to you as I thought I am. I’ve been striving for this alone while you were free riding this whole time. I tried to hold you tight while you didn’t even try. I shared my happiness/sadness with you while you laugh/cry alone. I’ve been fooled all these times. I was never an important person to you. I’m merely a friend. So why should I keep trying?

Before I give up

Well, this confession gonna sound stupid to some of you, yet, I hope I can keep my memory here. I am madly in love with a person I met in middle 2021 but I have never confessed nor shown any signs to him at all for I knew I’m not his type. I first met him through a volunteer platform which help me to spent my awesome six months working together with him. I am hopelessly falling in love knowing that I will never get a response from him. There was a time I gather all my strength and used drunk as an excuse to directly talked to him about how I felt yet before I could even talk, I found out he already has eyes on somebody. Thank to that I did not lose him until today. We barely talked now as our project is already ended - honestly I am still into him but I give up now. I am too hopeless to even think about him so I decided to leave a note here and hope this would find him well or rest well in my memory. Thanks ~

To the guy I love most, Sophea.

YOU FELL OUT OF LOVE when I am still in love with you, I became a one sided love without realizing. Remember the last time you said you love me? It's been too long since I last heard your voice. I miss that. You said you were gonna call me after you finished your work but you never did, till now. Still waiting for your texts like how I used to. I'm not blaming you. You said you were gonna take me to a burger shop ( I stopped eating burgers since I thought I would have it with you, screw me), when you finished all the work, drinking our favorite milk tea, going out for dinner. I know you were still in love with me during that time but I didn't realize that I would become a burden after time passed. My notifications didn't make you feel better, you ignored me. My presence doesn't make you feel excited, you don't wanna talk to me. Everytime I ask, it annoys you. You could clear off your schedules but you didn't because you thought I would ask you to spend time with me and it annoyed you or maybe not because I was never really on your mind or I was just nobody. Sorry, I have no idea what made you become like this.

What are we?

I always ask myself, who are you to me? We are close than friend but not in relationship. I am pretty sure that you know how I feel for you. So, please give me an answer. It isn’t fun staying in such dilemma.

Missing the old days

You know what is the most exited things about high school? Obviously the freedom to show the true colors of yourself with your best friends. I mean real friends. My favorite people are starting to reveal their new version and I’m happy for that. But there is something that is lingering on my mind. Why the group is so incomplete? I really need that spirit that brings up everyone happiness upon the atmosphere. The way we bursted the laugh and almost throwing up the whole meal from tummy. Sometimes, I really wish they wouldn't grow up to be somebody that I feel odd to be around. Somehow, all I can do is to wish them a better environment. And yes most of us now are tearing apart and we didn't know what to do than indulging for what the hell is happening. My regret is that I don’t feel appreciate till the day I had received plain smile without the taste of happiness. New Day, isn't it?

One last chance

If you ask me, it breaks me in million of pieces trying to say " No, it's the end between us." I badly wish you were the right one, who came in the right time. But being in a relationship with you really make doubt if it was not a mistake. It's silly, but it has be admitted that loving you each and every cost the loss of myself. I have felt the loss and miserable self for a long time ago before I finally asked for closure. Tbh, loving didn't make me feel exited to discuss about our future at all. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to figure how to detach myself from you. I questioned how can I unlove you. The only thing I felt was falling for you too deep that I still wanted your love while knowing I was being ignored and mistreated for many times. I was trying my best to fight with my heart, and let the love go. I did give you chances, too. But you ruined them yourself. You came and ask for the last one??? No, darling. NOT AGAIN. You know when you go against your conscientiousness, ego, pride to admit that you should have said "I will try to change for you." on the night be broke up, I went through sadness again. Why? I have to keep my answer unchanged even though I badly want to be in love with you. I was afraid to love you again, to lose myself again, to know that hurt me again, and still love you. I was so scared. What if I started to never recognise my worth, and blindly love you again? What if it happened again? I don't know if I could save myself one more time if I let you in my life for the last time. I wish you know how to love me. Just a little bit more. That could have been enough for us... I'm sorry! But you're late to do so.

A letter to the one that got away

You will never see this. I wish I could telepathize what I have always been hiding inside my heart to you right now. It is unbelievable that I lost you just like that. We created a lot beautiful memories together. You were my precious person. You gave me warmth. You gave me courage. You made me feel the luckiest. I was so proud to have you by my side. I was so happy. I still can’t accept the fact that you left me in the middle of the road after a very long way we had walked side by side. You left a heavy mark on me and now I have to put fences around it because I am scare to let someone get close to it. I really hope this footprint will fade away someday. Now, I am wondering. How beautiful and amazing it could have turned out if we were here together right now? I really want to see how strong and wise you could have become. I have always wanted to see the grownup version of you. We could have completed our bucket lists together. We could have had a great journey of adulthood together. Our precious moment could have been much more than this. Yet, at the end of the day, past should be left behind and life should go on. Perhaps, in the parallel universe, we are having the best moment right now. Maybe I will see you again in another life with no regrets like this. I guess, I will see you there. I hope to see you there. - owl