Let you go
It's not my wish but I gotta let go cuz I'm not as great as I was before I wannna see you smile not feeling like a bored and I'm sure I'm not capable of doing that anymore. #LM
I have been living on a fence between being normal, socially constructed, like most of everyone else, and being true to my cognitive self. To set up the premise, I am currently working as a software developer. I've been coding just so I know how to make games but that is still easier said than done. Being torn between work for my family and walking for my own can sometimes be discouraging. Is it lunacy to chase a near impossible spectrum of goals given where we are living? and leave behind our own flesh and blood even though just for a brief period of time compared to the whole life span in which we humans can live? The idea of knowing your own value is so vaguely destructive due to never being taught before how to measure that aspect of our own internal value, which spawn ignorance and esteem issues. "Pick the one you love", they said. The idealistic entity in which all of my hopes and expectations combined has nothing more but shattered due to the chaotic nature of nature itself. I fear the unknown, the dread of not knowing what to come next. The dread of nothing matters. I can only work towards it but how it ends will frighten me nonetheless.
It's not my wish but I gotta let go cuz I'm not as great as I was before I wannna see you smile not feeling like a bored and I'm sure I'm not capable of doing that anymore. #LM
Am I that toxic? I know we are just friends, you were just helping. I thought it was something more, I started showing you signs then you backed away. Should I keep going forward or just stop and leave everything?
ខ្ញុំមានអាយុ២១ឆ្នាំភេទប្រុសជានិស្សិតរៀន២ជំនាញផ្សេងគ្នា។កំឡុងពេលcovid ខ្ញុំបានទៅរៀននៅស្រុកវិញតាមរយៈonline class អស់រយៈពេល៨ខែមកដល់ពេលនេះ រយៈពេលចុងក្រោយនេះខ្ញុំ ក៏ចាប់ផ្តើមមានបញ្ហាផ្លូវចិត្តចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ដោយសារបញ្ហាគ្រួសារមួយចំនួនធំ។ ខ្ញុំជាកូនពៅ ក្នុងគ្រួសារដែលបងៗគាត់មានការងាររៀងៗខ្លួន ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំជានិស្សិតដែលកំពុងសិក្សាត្រូវការប្រាក់ពីការផ្គត់ផ្គង់ពីគ្រួសារ ដែលជាបន្ទុកដ៏ធំមួយ ឲប៉ាម៉ាក់គាត់ខំធ្វើការធ្ងន់ ឡើងយប់ ធ្វើទាំងយប់ទាំងថ្ងៃ សម្រាក់មិនគ្រប់គ្រាន់ មកដល់ពេលពួកគាត់ប្រកបមុខរបរនេះ២១ឆ្នាំ ហើយ។ពួកគាត់ប្រាប់ខ្ញុំថា គាត់ចាស់ហើយ គាត់ហត់ គាត់ឈឺ មានជំងឺប្រចាំកាយទាំងពីរនាក់ គាត់ទ្រាំណាស់ដើម្បីខ្ញុំ។ ១សប្តាហ៏មុនម៉ាក់គាត់ឈឺ គាត់ទៅពេទ្យ គាត់ថា អាញ់ធ្វើទាំងឈឺដើម្បីហែង រៀនសូត្របើ ហែង ប្រលងគ្រូជាប់ ឬការងាររាជការណាជាប់ អាញ់ឈប់ធ្វើហើយ។គោលបំណងក្នុងចិត្តខ្ញុំចង់ធ្វើការងារដែលខ្ញុំកំពុងសិក្សា តួយ៉ាងខ្ញុំឆ្នាំនេះរៀនឆ្នាំទី៤ហើយ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំមិនទាន់មានការងារធ្វើទេ ដោយសារខ្ញុំរៀន២ជំនាញពេញម៉ោង ដូច្នេះខ្ញុំក៏សម្រេចចិត្តមកផ្ទះរៀនonline ផង ជួយការងារផ្ទះនិងជួយលក់នំម៉ាក់ ខ្ញុំធ្វើការខ្ញុំអាណិតពួកគាត់ណាស់ធ្វើទាំងឈឺ ខ្ញុំពិបាកកាយខ្ញុំទ្រាំបាន ប៉ុន្តែពិបាកចិត្តដែល ឃើញពួកគាត់ខំដើម្បីយើង ខ្ញុំបានបន្ទោសខ្លួនឯង បើសិនអត់ខ្ញុំ ប្រហែលពួកគាត់មិនលំបាកទេ។ នៅពេលដែលខ្ញុំនៅផ្ទះខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ថា មិនមានសុវត្ថិភាពភ័យខ្លាច ស្ត្រេស ម៉ួម៉ៅ អារម្មណ៍ខ្ញុំបានផ្លាស់រហូតមិនទៀង។មកដល់ពេលនេះខ្ញុំចង់ឲសកលវិទ្យាល័យដែលខ្ញុំកំពុងរៀនបើកឡើងវិញ ដើម្បីខ្ញុំបានទៅភ្នំពេញរៀនវិញ ខ្ញុំអាចនឹង មិនមានបញ្ហាសតិអារម្មណ៍មួយនេះ។ ជារួមមក ខ្ញុំនៅតែមានអារម្មណ៍ម្តងម្កាលថាចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ពាក្យនេះកើតឡើងនៅពេលខ្ញុំឃើញពួកគាត់លំបាកដោយសារខ្ញុំ។ នៅពេលដែលខ្ញុំចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ខ្ញុំតែងតែគិតឃើញថា ខ្ញុំមិនទាន់បានសងគុណគាត់ មិនទាន់មានភាពជោគជ័យជូនគាត់ ពាក្យទាំងនេះធ្វើឲខ្ញុំរឹងមាំបាន១កម្រិតទៀត។ មួយរយៈមកនេះខ្ញុំមានបញ្ហាគ្រួសារស្ទើរតែរាល់ថ្ងៃ ដែលធ្វើអោយខ្ញុំប៉ះពាល់ផ្លូវចិត្ត ខ្ញុំរៀនមិនចូល ចិត្តចង់តែទៅធ្វើការយកប្រាក់ជូនគាត់ហើយ អោយគាត់សម្រាក់។ ពួកគាត់រអ៊ូររាល់ថ្ងៃ ថាហត់ ឈឺ ពាក្យនាវាប៉ះពាល់ខ្ញុំណាស់ ដែលអោយគាត់លំបាកដោយសារខ្ញុំ។ ខ្ញុំពិបាកទ្រាំណាស់មិនដឹងទ្រាំដល់៣-៤ខែទៀតដល់សាលាខ្ញុំរៀនចប់អត់ទេ ពេលខ្ញុំរៀនចប់ខ្ញុំនឹងបានធ្វើការ នឹងឈប់ចាយលុយពួកគាត់។ តែពេលនេះជីវិតខ្ញុំអស់សង្ឃឹមណាស់ បញ្ហាផ្លូវចិត្តវាខ្លាំង។ ជាចុងក្រោយសង្ឃឹមថា ខ្ញុំនឹងឈ្នះជំងឺផ្លូវចិត្តមួយនេះបាន ដើម្បីបន្លប់ការនឹកឃើញវាខ្ញុំតែងតែធ្វើការផ្ទះ និងជួយលក់នំពួកគាត់ដែលធ្វើខ្លួនឲរវល់ដើម្បីបំភ្លេចជំងឺមួយនេះ។ Thank u admin for approving
I will wait for you until you’re finally ready for a relationship again, but don’t make me wait for too long.
Sometimes I questioned your mind. You’re in one healthy relationship, yet you can’t be loyal. How’s it that you can do this so easily? How would you expect me to react to your text with others, you replied their story with such enthusiasm, asking how they’re doing, what they’re doing? You kept on telling me how you don’t mess around with other. So what is this? Work related again? Or were you being friendly although you said you’re friends? I thought I was special. I’m so disappointed in you . #S
Since you left I never had a good day. I changed. The pain change me. I let the pain control me. I keep compare myself to others. I can't make myself happy. I lose interest in everything. I tried to find someone to replace you. But I just can't get over you. My heart still want you. But ik I have no more chance. I couldn't even have a second chance. I'm trying to love myself. But why is it so hard? I never been like that before. I want myself back. I regret that we used to date each other. But I never regret the time that we used to spend together. I missed you. But I don't want to miss. I want to forget you. I just wish I could end up my pain. It's really annoying. I'm still love you as always.
Hello guys so I've been hiding all the pain by myself for so long so today I just wanted to share it with u guys.so here's the story ... We both used to be best friends but then one day when my life was so fking down ( we both girls) and there she's coming into my dark place and cheer me up with her kind words. Yeah I appreciated those words a lot and it helped me a lot but u know it's true that the one makes u feel better will break u worse. I don't think it's true and never think my always fav human being could be this cruel to me. Since i've fallen in love with her.i cried almost every single day because she hurts me everytime we talked but I still come back to her because I love her so much to the point I can give my life to her. Everytime she hurts me I always disappear and come back act as nothing happened ( the feeling that u loved S1 like this coz u will always forgive that person until u reached ur limitations). This last time I've disappeared maybe around 1 months ( the longest and last time too) and then I'm back but don't be confused I never wanted to force her to love me or something just wanted us to be like before like the way she used to act very kind to me ( she's also my favourite friend even before she become my crush) but u know she never do that again. ( អាចថាយើងស្រលាញ់គេពេកហើយឲ្យគេដឹងចិត្ត ចឹងហើយគេនិយាយអីធ្វើអីមិនដែលគិតចិត្តយើងទេ) and my text just be like" u look so okay without me but I'm not" but lol she looks so mad and sent me the texts that I have never received the rest of my life. And those text just cut off all my feelings from her. Guess what's it? Lol she said that I'm not her type because her type is beautiful, perfect sth like that which makes me doubt myself am I that bad in her eyes? Huh and she even said that even she makes the choice among all the person she won't choose me. Lol that's funny. Hold on girl! If those words received by those who have anxiety, depression or didn't love themselves enough. They're probably killed themselves already 😃 but that's not me because I love myself enough and I know I'm pretty enough in my own way for myself and I'm more than enough and also a lot of things she didn't know about me. So here's just few more things I wanted to tell u guys. 1. If u wanted to reject someone just find a good way to do that. Put yourself in someone's shoes. ( Be a good memory to people.dont be a toxic or an awful memory to them because what u said might be haunted them for the rest of their lives) 2. Dear all my beloved people out there please don't doubt your own worthy just because someone treated you like shit. They don't deserve your and please love yourself more. You don't need to prove that you're enough but keep improving yourself just for yourself. 3. I don't know if this reach to u or not but I just wanna tell u now you're just nothing to be and a toxic person that I used to know so if we happened to meet each other or something please គេចពីខ្ញុំទៅព្រោះសូម្បីស្រមោលអ្នកឯងខ្ញុំមិនចង់ឃើញផង។ no hate but I wish u would disappear from my life.🤭 One more thing u the only person among all my ex and crushes that I regret to love .( ស្តាយទឹកចិត្តមើលមនុស្សខុស។ កុំភ្លេចដំបូងខ្ញុំចូលចិត្តអ្នកព្រោះអ្នកមានទឹកចិត្តល្អ មិនមែនពិសពុលដូចពេលនេះទេ)
Man , it’s hard , having a crush on you for almost 2 years and im having a heartbreak 😂 , like dude i know im not pretty , aint ur type but like i just want you to see . abit in me are fine . seeing your story make me curious who’s that lucky girl that make you feels the butterfly back . I hope you’ll wait for my confess xd