ខ្ញុំនិងមិត្តស្រីរបស់ខ្ញុំបានស្គាល់គ្នាជិត៤ឆ្នាំហើយ។ ពួកយើងកម្រឈ្លោះទាស់ទែង និងមិនដែលមានភាពមិនស្មោះត្រង់នឹងគ្នាឡើយតែមួយរយៈនេះ (ប្រហែល១ឆ្នាំ) ខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៏ថាទំនាក់ទំនងរបស់យើងឃ្លាតឆ្ងាយពីគ្នា និងមានអារម្មណ៏ថាហត់នឿយ ហើយពេលខ្លះក៏មានអារម្មណ៏ថាស្នេហានេះសោះកក្រោះមិនដូចពេលមុន។ ខ្ញុំបានឲគ្រប់យ៉ាងដែលខ្ញុំមានឲនាងអស់ហើយ អ្វីដែលខ្ញុំចង់បានគឺការយកចិត្តទុកដាក់ពីនាងដូចគ្រាមុនតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ។
I might be clingy, childish, and crazy sometimes. I have two personalities - a boy and a man- I know I demand your attention sometimes because All I want is to be with you- I know You love me and vice versa. I trust you and I don’t wanna lose you. Anyway we are trying to make this work and I love you to the moon and back ❤️
This is a story of mine. A story that I don’t tell anyone and never plan to but it’s been making me feel so heavy so, I decide to confess it here. I’m a mentally ill person, since i was a kid (it’s a long long story). I didn’t get enough love and affection as i was a kid so since I became a teenager, i attach to people who give me affection easily. Long ago, i knew a man on internet. We started texting with each other until we fell in love. He was a really good guy. He loved me, always cared about me, checked up on me, helped me with everything, he was literally perfect plus he’s a good looking person, he was a man in every women’s dream. He didn’t know about my mental state until we dated and it turned out he was also mentally ill, but my condition is worse than him. But things went so smooth, our relationship was super healthy and we were so deeply in love. After we’ve been together for 1 year, thing started to happen, he started asking me to show him my body. I refused but he’d said I didn’t trust him or anything. So i showed him with the condition that there won’t be a second time and he agreed. A few days later he asked me again, he convinced me and if I refused, he’d get upset after that. Thing went repeatedly. He asked me again and again and there’s no the end of it. I loved him too much but doing something like that really made me feel so wrong and disgusted myself. I didn’t want our relationship to fall apart so i did as he told me to (i was stupid). Little did he know, i cried every time after showing him my body. A few months later, i felt like I couldn’t keep it going and going repeatedly like that anymore and i felt so wrong especially i felt like i’m a bad daughter and how’d my mom feel if she know that her daughter do something like that in such a young age. That night, he requested me again but then I refused and i told him i’m not gonna do it anymore, i’ve done enough and I felt so wrong about it. But then he started forcing me. I started to cry but he didn’t change his mind and he promised it will be the last time. I was dumb enough to believe that so i showed him again while i was crying and mad at him. After he felt satisfied, he started to cry, he felt sorry for me and he said I couldn’t control his mind and it was so hard for him. After a month, i guess, he started to request me again and when i refused he always get upset and acted cold to me. I loved him so so much, i was afraid that our relationship was gonna fall apart so i do as he said but that time, he convinced me to masturbate myself. I did everything that he told me to. After one year and half of our relationship, the distance was started to grow between as. I was not a good girlfriend to him, being with a mentally ill person like me is so draining and he also had so much things to deal with, he was also suffering and he still tried to help me and comfort me. I fell into a deep depression that I started to think about committing suicide again. But then, we broke up for some complicate reasons that I can’t even understand. I was so attached to him, i did everything just for him to come back, I begged him and I couldn’t eat or do anything, i just cried and kept calling him over and over even he didn’t pick up. But at night, he picked up but we didn’t talk much since i only called him so i can ask him to be back. Until one night, he said he was still in love with me but i need to be strong, when I become strong, he will comeback, I believed him. We called for a few minutes for a few nights but during our call he always asked me to show him my body and masturbate myself. I thought doing it would make him stay and love me, i was so dumb that I sacrificed and gave him everything just to make him stay. A few days later, I felt like he doesn’t love me anymore because he was so fine, he didn’t care whether i’m okay or not, if i eat, if i cry, he didn’t care about me, he was just living his life normally. He ignored my texted and didn’t pick up my call the whole day until night time, he picked up and asked me to do thing as I mentioned above. One night, i asked him if he was still in love with me because his action showed that he was already fell out of love. “I don’t have any feelings for you since the day we broke up, i was just feel pity for you and afraid you were gonna do something harmful to yourself”, he responded. It really hurt my feelings, it was like someone stabbed me in the chest, I started to cry so hard and all he could say was sorry. I was literally so so depressed, i still texted him and called him after he said that to me (i was so thaok) but he didn’t respond or pick up. After a few weeks I started activating my social media account and acted like I got over it (I didn’t get any better actually). He texted me, i was less sad and asked him to fix thing but he refused again. Things kept happening until a month or 2 months (I forgot) I decided to stop asking to come back since he got a new gf already but i was still in love with him and think about him 24/7. And now, i still can’t get over him and i can’t bring myself to hate him either because he was so good to me even though he did hurt my feelings but he treated me like i was something special and a really important person to him. The only person i hate right now is myself. I hate myself so much, i’m so disgusting and i think I deserved everything that happened to me. Everything that happened in the past is haunting me, the more i get reminded of it, the more i hate myself. Even though i tried to get over it, to forget it, to start working on myself, to heal myself but none of it work. They say time will heal but actually, it doesn’t. I act like i moved on and happy because I don’t want my family and friends to worry about me. They’ve been helping me a lot and i really appreciate it but it couldn’t help me somehow. It’s all my faults, I know people will hate me if they know about this but what can i do to be forgiven. But how can i be forgiven by people when i can’t even forgive myself…
Do you really love me or you are just lonely? How long are we going to stuck here? Being more than friends but less than relationship? have you ever think of wanting to commit to this relationship? How about y'all? have you been in the situation? What did you do? Did it end in a good or bad way? How long should I wait more? Should i end it now?
ទើបតែដឹងថាស្នេហាឈឺចាប់បែបនេះ ពេលដែលយើងចេះស្រលាញ់គេយើងគួរតែទទួលស្គាល់ថាគេមិនមែនជារបស់យើងទុកមុនទើបមិនសូវឈឺចាប់។ កាលដែលស្រលាញ់គេដំបូងមិនដែលគិតទេថាគេសំខាន់ហើយនឹកគេគ្រប់វេលាបែបនេះទេ។ សួរថាឈឺចាប់អត់ស្រលាញ់គេម្នាក់ឯង? ចម្លើយប្រាកដជាអត់ហើយ ប៉ុន្តែប្រសិនបើសួរថាហត់អត់? គឺហត់ខ្លាំងណាស់។ បើហត់ចុះទ្រាំធ្វើអ្វី? ទ្រាំព្រោះតែស្រលាញ់។ ស្រលាញ់មនុស្សម្នាក់គ្មានហេតុផលទេហើយយើងក៏មិនអាចហាមឃាត់ខ្លួនឯងមិនឱ្យស្រលាញ់គេបានដែរ ... ការស្រលាញ់នរណាម្នាក់វាអាចមកពីព្រហ្មលិខិតក៏ថាបាន ..។ នៅតែស្រលាញ់ទោះបីជាធ្វើឱ្យឈឺចិត្តប៉ុន្មានដង ក៏ស្រលាញ់ យើងអាចជាមនុស្សអធ្មានិយមក្នុងរឿងស្នេហាក៏ព្រោះតែពាក្យ ធ្វើតាមបេះដូង ហើយមិនចង់ឱ្យគេក្លាយជារបស់អ្នកណា។ តាមបេះដូងនៅថ្ងៃនេះអាចខុសនៅថ្ងៃក្រោយ តែយើងអាចស្ដាយក្រោយមួយជីវិតបើយើងមិនបានធ្វើតាមបេះដូង.....។ ពេលខ្លះយើងកំពុងនឹកគេ ទាំងដែលគេនឹកអ្នកផ្សេង សប្បាយជាមួយអ្នកផ្សេង .... គេធ្វើអ្វីមួួយក្នុងចិត្តនេះរំភើបណាស់ ទាំងដែរគេធ្វើដាក់អ្នកផ្សេងបែបនេះដូចគ្នា។ ជាមនុស្សឆ្លាតតែបែរជាល្ងង់រឿងស្នេហា ទាំងដែរមិនមែនជាមនុស្សបែបហ្នឹងពីមុនមក.. អារម្មណ៍អីហ្នឹងឈឺម៉េស? ហ្នឹងមែនស្នេហា? ចង់ប្រាប់ថាយូរប៉ុណ្ណ៉ាក៏ចាំឱ្យតែការរង់ចាំនេះមានតម្លៃ គ្រាន់តែចង់បានគេ តើខ្ញុំទាមទារច្រើនពេកមែនទេ? ណ្ហើយ ទៅមុខក៏មិនកើតថយក្រោយក៏មិនបាន xD បើពេលនោះមិនស្នេហ៍ ប្រហែលមិនឈឺដូចពេលនេះទេ ..៕
I can’t do it anymore. I have to admit it. I can never get her out of my heart. I’ve tried and tried and the harder I try to, the bigger hold I discover in my heart. She has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to and there has been countless of times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, drowning, suffocating and even deadly painful at times but I could not stop loving her anymore than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, subconsciously in love with her. More than she and I would know. I start losing her subtly, but the pain I feel is enormous. I can’t lose her. I really can’t.
ពួកយើងទាំងពីរនាក់ត្រឡប់មកinrelationshipវិញ ប៉ុន្តែអ្នកមិនដូចមុននេាះទេ។ អ្នកព្រងើយនឹងខ្ញុំខ្លាំងណាស់។ ខ្ញុំដឹងថាពេលដែរពួកយើងbroke upអ្នកក៏ធ្លាប់មានgirlfriendsរហូតមក។ ដូច្នេះហើយពេលដែរអ្នកត្រូវគ្នាជាមួយខ្ញុំវិញអ្នកព្រងើយនឹងខ្ញុំ អ្នកគិតថាមានខ្ញុំក៏បាន អត់ខ្ញុំក៏បាន។ ខ្ញុំដឹងថាទេាះជាខ្ញុំនិយាយច្រើន ក៏អត់ប្រយោជន៍ដែរ ព្រោះពាក្យសម្ដីខ្ញុំលែងសំខាន់សម្រាប់អ្នកដូចមុនទៀតហើយ។ គ្រប់យ៉ាងជាកំហុសរបស់ខ្ញុំ ទើបរឿងរ៉ាវវាបែបនេះ។ខ្ញុំតែងតែគិតថាអ្នកនិងខ្ញុំនឹងអាចឆ្លងកាត់គ្រប់ឧបសគ្គ តស៊ូជាមួយគ្នា កាន់ដៃគ្នាដល់ថ្ងៃអនាគត ប៉ុន្តែមិនដឹងថាអាចទៅរួចប្ញអត់ទេ ព្រេាះអ្នកមិនសូវអើពើនឹងខ្ញុំដូចមុនសេាះ។ អ្នកតែងនិយាយថាអ្នកនឹងមិនទៅណាចេាលខ្ញុំទេ ខ្ញុំនឹងចាំមើលថាតើទង្វើអ្នកដូចពាក្យសម្ដីអ្នកដែរទេ!ប៉ុន្តែបើសិនអ្នកនៅក្បែរខ្ញុំអ្នកមិនមានក្ដីសុខ មិនសប្បាយចិត្តដូចមុនហើយអ្នកចង់ត្រឡប់ទៅរកគេវិញ អ្នកក៏ប្រាប់ខ្ញុំត្រង់ៗមក!!!បើអ្នកស្រឡាញ់ខ្ញុំពិត អ្នកកុំលាក់បាំងនឹងខ្ញុំ កុំកុហកខ្ញុំ កុំក្បត់ខ្ញុំ កុំចែកចាយក្ដីស្រឡាញ់ឱ្យនារីដទៃ(កុំfriendly with girlsពេក) មានរឿងអ្វីត្រូវសួរនាំគ្នា លើកលែងឱ្យគ្នាទៅវិញទៅមក ផ្ដល់ពេលវេលាឲ្យគ្នាតាមដែរអាចធ្វើទៅបាន...!!ហើយខ្ញុំសង្ឃឹមថាពួកយើងនឹងអាចfix what happened in the past.ហើយរក្សាទំនាក់ទំនងមួយនេះឲ្យល្អប្រសើរ! #ពីមនុស្សស្រីម្នាក់ដែរធ្លាប់ធ្វើខុសដាក់អ្នក ធ្លាប់ធ្វើឲ្យអ្នកឈឺចាប់!!
I used to be mad. I used to look back and wonder where I went wrong, and took all the blame. I wondered why would you ghost me like I never mattered. One day our friendship was flourishing–filled with laughter and late-night text messages and venting–the next, it was gone. I used to wished that our long/ funny conversation will come back. It hurts to know that we used to be so close, and now it’s like I don’t know you at all. I feel as though you don’t want me anymore. What do we all talk about, do we talk about past things to catch up on, or do we just act like no time has passed?. We’re not as close as we were before. There are days when I am so happy and that the person I want to talk to you is you. I want to tell you every detail, the entire story, and I want you to listen. There are other days where that high isn’t there when I feel low, and I just want you there to listen or to talk about anything else. Those days are when I miss you the most.There are some secrets that I could never tell another person, but I can easily tell you. Some days I wonder if we will ever be that kind of friends again. Sure, I look back and still smile on the times that we have had, the moments we had shared, the jokes, the laughter that filled our friendship. I have no idea how you feel about our friendship right now. But I am here, in case you make that step back. I am also here, wishing nothing but the best for you: laughter, that all your dreams come true, and all the happiness in the world. I’d like to let you know that our friendship meant everything to me. Thank you for the good memories that you leave behind. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy with yourself. I hope you have found peace with your problems–the people who had hurt you in the past. I hope you finally find something you love and let it consume you. I hope you find a guy who truly treats you the way you deserve.
"ការស្រលាញ់ដែរចេញពីចិត្ត គឺជាអារម្មណ៍នៃការផ្តល់អោយ ផ្តល់អោយដោយចេញពីចិត្តដោយមិនមានការទាមទារពីភាគគីម្ខាងទៀតទេ ដូចជាការគោរព ការទុក្ខចិត្ត ការបារម្ភ... " ទាំងនេះគឺជាពាក្យដែរខ្ងុំនិយាយប្រាប់ទៅ មនុស្សម្នាក់ដែរសួរខ្ងុំថា "what is love". ទោះបីជាពេលនេះពួកយើងលែងជាអ្វីនឹងគ្នា ប៉ុន្តែការផ្ដល់ឱ្យរបស់ខ្ញុំចំពោះអ្នកនៅតែមាន ខ្ញុំមិនដែលខឹង ស្អប់ រឺក៏គុំគួនអ្នកឡើយទោះបីជាអ្នកដៀលខ្ងុំតាមរយះ status share or story ដោយការយល់ច្រលំលើទង្វើរបស់ខ្ងុំក៏ដោយ. បើសួរនៅអាណិត ស្រលាញ់ទេ អារម្មណ៍នេះនៅតែមាន តែខ្ងុំមិនអាចបកក្រោយទេ ព្រោះចង់ឃើញអ្នកនៅជាមួយមនុស្សដែរល្អជាងខ្ងុំ ចំពោះខ្ងុំបានត្រឹមធ្វើជាសង្សារ និងបានលឺពាក្យថា I feel love when I'm with you and I never feel this with anyone before គឺគ្រប់គ្រាន់ហើយ. អ្នកប្រហែលជាគិតថាខ្ងុំអត់ដែរស្រលាញ់អ្នកទេបានជាខ្ងុំកាត់ចិត្តបានលឿនយ៉ាងនេះ ប៉ុន្តែផ្ទុយទៅវិញខ្ងុំគ្រាន់តែទទួលការពិតថាពួកយើងមិនអាចនៅជាមួយគ្នាបាន រួចទទួលយកការឈឺចាប់ទាំងអស់ ហើយក៏រំសាយម្តងបន្តិចៗតាមតែអាចធ្វើបាន បែបនេះហើយបានជាអារម្មណ៍របស់ខ្ងុំមិននៅជាប់ជុំពាក់នឹងអតីតកាល