Lover or stranger

2025-08-14

I should stop putting myself in ppl shoes

I have my own principles and I know others have theirs as well, but my recent continuous experiences leaves bad taste to my mouth to the point that I feel like I should stop putting myself in others ppl shoes. 1. I won’t flirt or date or try to win anyone’s bf just to feel superior. I just don’t want to flatter men by bringing other women down. 2. I don’t accept cheater, the one that cheated on their gf to be with me or have the cheated in their past relationships. 3. I don’t date my close fri’s or friends’ or somewhat ppl from the circles’ exes. Or even think about waiting to be the replacements of someone after they broke up. (It’s pathetic tbh) Story time: I had a long distance relationship with one boy, which later I found out that he’s been cheating on me with at least 3 different girls during the entire relationship. And I found that out from one of the girl that dump his ass after she found out he cheated on her. He dated me and her at the same time, but she caught him dating with other girls and she didn’t know i also one of his victim, she dumped his ass. After my intense research, I finally found her and gather all my guts to ask how’s relationship with him was like, because he had ghosted me for almost a week and I saw him posting and playful cmt with his “best Fri” (from what he told me ;). Long story short I was a home wrecker to his ex and so is other girls at the time. I feel very bad for being so, because I didn’t know that bitch is a cheater. He manipulated the story as she’s the cheater that’s why he ended the relationship. As a fucking coward he is, he never responds to me finding out he’s a cheater, I reached out to that “best Fri” of his directly. I reached out with good intention and was really polite and explain the whole situation why I want to reach out to her, surprisingly she’s acting bitchy to me and confirm that him and her are only Fri they’re been Fri for over 5 years and nth more. So I apologized her for suspecting her and later them bitches feel so relieved that I ended things with him, they start going public. So they started dating around February or even earlier than that who know? And the time I asked for confirmation from either one of them is in April. That means she know exactly who I was and know exactly that bitch is a fucking cheater. So, I realize some ppl are really okay with being home wrecker without guilt or shame. There’s some ppl are okay with being with the cheater who cheated on their partner to be with them. And my case also happen to my friends’ cases as well. Just because I won’t do that, doesn’t mean others will stick to the same principles as me. I was so naive. Another story time: my ex and I from the same class and friends circle. “Fri A” from the circle was always praise my ex of how well he treated me and when asked about what’s her type she always said my ex was her type. Some other “friends” often joke around whenever I had small argument or not get along with my ex in front of them, they always said that I should take a good care of my ex, if I don’t want him, “Fri A” will help take care of him. Always jokes around of how “Fri A” volunteer to be replacement. It was jokes after all I never suspected of her or let it to be the source of the arguments. One of the reason that my ex and I broke up is because I feel tired of being treated less and always second option of that group of Fri that has “Fri A” in it. I admitted I was jealous of the way he treated them compared to me, cuz I have to always beg him to treat me the same as he treated them. My feelings are never validated as he always choose the crowd instead of considering if any of his actions would ever affected my feelings or not. So over 6 months of our break up he came to ask me if we could be back tgt again but I didn’t agree but we kinda keep our relationships in a good term as a friend until one day he mistreated me by bailing out on me when I begged him that I need his company the most. I was disappointed bcuz I was considering to go back to him again as I can see his effort and he improved a lot after the break up. I stopped talking to him and ghosted him even if he trying to reach out to me. The time line here is that the last text he ever reached out to me is in July and from what I heard they dated around Sep or Oct because I saw they went on countdown trip tgt, meet his mom (in which I begged him but never happen even if we dated over a year, I thought maybe it was too soon for him that’s why rarely mention how much I want him to introduce me to his mom). Sometimes later, he and my “Fri A” dated, which I didn’t know bcuz I was on break from social media almost a year, and non of my close fri mention about it, bcuz they didn’t want me to know. I active socially media again and found out like 7-8 months later after their relationship. I feel betrayed, disgusted, and kinda funny at the same time. Not really surprised tho but it just hits me and everything started to making sense to me. It don’t affect me that much , it only helps boost my self esteem and solves all the doubt that whether I should give him a chance or maybe I was too harsh and childish at that time maybe I should take a few steps back that relationship would work smoothly. All these experiences teach me one big lesson “just because u wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean others won’t, too”

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