9:30pm, 11th April - The start of our Journey, it was our first date. He brought me to places I never been before, experience new things. It was like a dream if I could date him. Everything was perfect, I was happy than ever. But that happiness didn’t last forever…… To be continued.
My bf… I need you guys advice… Everyone around me been telling me that he a walking a-red flag… what he did in the past… hurt many girl cheat on many girls… flirt with many girls… however currently, he been treating me really good.. like literally everyone in his school knew him about what he did in the past.. i’m sorry i’m so stress i’m rambling around… i need your advice
I dont know how it started and why it turn out this way. I wanna keep you at any cost even as the closest friend but it seems like I could never be enough for anyone. I dont want you to call me "best friend" since the last time someone called me best and all they do is ghosted me and I dont think u want me to be ur best friend too. I dont even have a chance to ask what is going wrong since I respect their space but you know deep down inside I wonder about all those memories, all the hardest times I have faced and shared with you, is it real. I dont know but I feel ache every time ppl say I was the best thing that happened to them, did they really mean it or just bc I was there for them whenever they needed me. I miss every game we used to play, meme we used to share, chessboard when u ask me to play chess. I could not listen to our fav song anymore, could not open up to anyone anymore. I wonder is it for character development since I never dare to go out of my comfort zone,u know how hard it is to go out and make a new friend at this age. no one pay attention when i say words only you pay those small things. can we just go back to those old times?
If you ask me, it breaks me in million of pieces trying to say " No, it's the end between us." I badly wish you were the right one, who came in the right time. But being in a relationship with you really make doubt if it was not a mistake. It's silly, but it has be admitted that loving you each and every cost the loss of myself. I have felt the loss and miserable self for a long time ago before I finally asked for closure. Tbh, loving didn't make me feel exited to discuss about our future at all. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to figure how to detach myself from you. I questioned how can I unlove you. The only thing I felt was falling for you too deep that I still wanted your love while knowing I was being ignored and mistreated for many times. I was trying my best to fight with my heart, and let the love go. I did give you chances, too. But you ruined them yourself. You came and ask for the last one??? No, darling. NOT AGAIN. You know when you go against your conscientiousness, ego, pride to admit that you should have said "I will try to change for you." on the night be broke up, I went through sadness again. Why? I have to keep my answer unchanged even though I badly want to be in love with you. I was afraid to love you again, to lose myself again, to know that hurt me again, and still love you. I was so scared. What if I started to never recognise my worth, and blindly love you again? What if it happened again? I don't know if I could save myself one more time if I let you in my life for the last time. I wish you know how to love me. Just a little bit more. That could have been enough for us... I'm sorry! But you're late to do so.
Why mom? Why do you have to make me feel this way? What have I ever done so wrong? You know, it is very hurtful and very tormenting when you, my mother, care so little of me. Why is it that when my younger brother got a minor cold, you would rush me to buy him medicine, to take care of him, and so on, but when I got tested positive of covid-19 because I have to go to work, you didn't even seem to care about it as a matter a fact, you didn't even want to buy me covid med, you told me I don't need covid med and just take normal coughing med, you thought paracetamol is enough? Just why do I have to feel all this unfairness? Should I just do you and everyone a favor and just take as much paracetamol as I can and just die? Would that have been better for everyone?
Every time I drove by your house, I always stopped and stared, hoping to see you standing in front of the entrance, waiting for someone to answer the door like you used to. I remember when I brought you home and your mom made me a tuna sandwich and told me to eat a lot so I could grow faster. I miss the taste of her food and the picture of you standing calmly in front of the house. Today, I passed by your house again but I didn't see you there. The neighborhood was quiet; too quiet that it gave me a strange sense of calmness. It was like a void in my heart — calm but empty. I don't know why some people say that loss gets easier with time. It's been years, and the fact that I still haven't gotten used to your absence is a nuisance. Maybe in another universe I can still see you standing somewhere and waiting for me. But here it all ends too soon. So, make sure to have a good new life out there and promise me to love yourself well. I’ll love myself too. -owl
When I am tired, I always think of you. But who am I really referring too? And why would i do that? I want someone to be with me, but i haven’t met that someone yet. S.o who was a great partner together, we broke up 2 years ago because of different views. We work really hard for the goal we want. In 2020, when I struggle the most where i was at the lowest part, I met another someone. S.o who show me care, and gave me hope and made me smile . Until 2021, when our path are separated again. Same reason was about goal and future. We’ve been working hard, aiming for goal, but haven’t taken good care of ourselves in the present time. My perspective on love hold me back to allow carefully who i want to be with. I am closed minded and pushing people away. But deeply inside, I hope I meet a person who would share the thought and work toward the future we want to built together. As we grow up, we grow to see more thing, and more careful in life. I hope to be carefree and believe in love again! You said love was a destiny. I agree. But maybe we should interfere in our destiny a bit too. Shall we wait until we meet again and keep wasting time? How can love happen? How do you know you love a person? How can 2 people live together ? What should we keep in mind when we are in love? For love and future full of uncertainty, I cannot promise forever. Maybe we can play it safe by making time pleasant together, and not stress too much about commitment to love. Take it one step at a time, and if we break up, don’t break yourself!
: )
I don’t know how to describe my feeling right now as it’s very complicated and mixed up so bad. We both are not lover yet our action/chat conversation made me feel like we ain’t just friend sometimes. It’s been so long that we don’t chat and It’s myself that start this cool war with you bcuz sometimes I feel that you are lost interest with me and don’t want to waste your time with me anymore. I don’t know if I should still follow you or leave you because you never want to text me back as before. I don’t ask for serious relationship bcuz I know that we both cannot make it happen for some reasons. But at least we don’t end up like this. It’s hurt me so bad when I don’t receive your texts anymore.