Being played???

It is probably selfish of me to assume that you were having any feelings on me like I did (kinda still do) for you. With shared interests, I thought that we were vibing just fine. Hell, you even made me feel special. I do not know much about you besides the rare and random interests that we shared, but I truly appreciate the time we spent chatting overnight at when I felt loved during my darkest times. After I learned the news about you going abroad, I felt conflicted. I knew that it was such an opportunity for you, but I also wished that I had spent more time getting to know you better. The thing is that I wanted to express my gratitude and love for you. I just wanted to put it out there. I do not have any intention of wanting to start anything anytime soon, for I do not want to mistake my loneliness and sadness for love. I held my breath for a while. I thought that I genuinely would wait for you. You truly did give me hope, but it seems to be a false hope....I feel gutted. Because after a while, I had my suspicion and learned that the whole time you were with someone else, yet you gave such a sense of love. I feel played for not knowing anything and for being given such false joy. I waited and waited for something that would never come. Maybe it is just a one-sided thing. Maybe I am feeling lonely. Then again, maybe I am just selfish, lonely, and deluded for thinking about any of this because at the end of the day I do not hold anything against you, but I genuinely thank you for all of the times and things that we shared. Lastly, I wish you the best. K

Feeling bottled up?

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a message in the bottle, hope it gets to you.

Hi, we haven’t talked for awhile. You’ve been moving on with your new life while I am still stuck in the same place. The same place that used to have you here. You haven’t told me yet but I heard that it’s nearly your engagement day. Hope you’re doing well. I am indeed still care but it’s not my place to take care of you anymore. I had said “i love you” many times for the past months just in case you know...it would change your mind. From “the one” you told that no one will ever replace her place;

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she call me best friend but never want to see me good than her. Call me best friend but always envy me. Call me best friend but always say the words that make me think down on myself Finally I can cut her off of my life

Old notes#2

Number 11 becomes my fav cos it’s the time I keep checking if you’re still awake like I am, if you are thinking of me like I am; it shows that I still care for you even before or after that 11 number, or maybe it’s just an excuse that I make to lie to myself that only when the short and long hand of the clock point to 11 is the time I think about you, when actually I’m thinking about you every hour which I can barely say the word hour cos every second seems so long let alone an hour, when actually I’m waiting for the time to arrive at 11 again so that I can lie to myself again that I only think of you at this 11:11. #lovefailed

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Life is too short to keep love locked in. Don’t trying to reject the truth and your true feelings to somebody. You lied when you told them that you did not love them. But you did. And now that is something you’ve to live with for the rest of your life. That is something you’ve to leave in the back of your throat. Imagine. Loving someone but not showing them how much you love them. This is the burden that arrives the moment you're gone. The weight you have to carry on your shoulders. The burning you feels over your skin when someone mentions their name. forever. You loved them but did not show it. And maybe you wanted more but was too distracted to do anything about it. You lost them. Some people can’t see the the good things in front of them because they think that they have time for it later but you know what, sometimes later become NEVER. How many “what if” in your life? If you have too much ” what if’s “ in your mind then what if your feelings are returned? You have to try for things even when you don't know the outcome. After you tell them the truth they can smile, say you they feel the same or simply go away, disappear and don’t talk to you anymore. All of these are still better than talking with a person and not telling them your real feelings. We never know what will happen tomorrow or in next few hours. Bear in mind that the pain of rejection and the awkwardness of feeling vulnerable is nothing compared to the regret of not saying something when you no longer have the chance. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love”